Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime

Hello friends and enemies alike. I don't have much to say tonight/this morning, how ever you want to take it. I just decided to write because it seems that I left a few things out of my last post that I would've liked to have included. The first thing is that I am greatly anticipating this Coheed and Cambria concert that is coming to Chicago. This is going to be a two sitting concert, one being Coheed at their natural state and the other being an acoustic set. I am very curious as to how acoustic Coheed will sound. I can't think of many songs by them that could be translated over to acoustic, then again, how can you not transfer over. So far I believe that it is just Ian and myself. ChelC wants to come too, and I have no objection against her coming. It will just make the whole experience all that much better. I have been wanting to see them live for a long time coming now. I am just watching their DVD Live At The Starland Ballroom to hold me over until the night of the concert.

The other thing that I was going to reflect on was how much my brother and I are getting along as of late. I have never realized how much Sean is like me. Only in the sense of relationships and what not. His girlfriend is playing games with him right now. I don't know if its the fact that she wants to get inside another mans pants or what. I know that my brother loves her though, with all of his heart. As much of an asshole as he can be sometimes, he really is a good guy and he just wants love. Isn't that what we all want though? The coined phrase for me as of late has been "I'm not gonna lie", and I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I wish that I could find a girl that just is willing to go out with me and just to see what I'm all about. I wish that all the girls I liked didn't already like someone else, or have a boyfriend. In the past I have scared girls away by saying the word love. Who knew that such a caring and generous word could scare away people? Just because I say the word love doesn't mean that I am IN love. All I mean when I say that is that I am there for that person when they need me the most, even when they don't, I am there. I just want to ket people know that I care. Melissa wants to break up with my brother because he "thinks too much". Who says that? What the fuck kind of rational is that for wanting to break up with someone. I don't understand how the world works sometimes. I wish it were like a movie when a boy could meet a girl and they fall in love and happily ever after. I had to laugh out of some emotion I didn't know at my brother. I have to be around people who think too much. Thats all I want in a girl is someone I can talk to for hours on end, someone that will let me hold them and be there for them, someone who wants me for who I am. Thats what my brother needs. He's in it for the sex if you ask me, but he needs to know how to feel love for someone that isn't simple minded. Its like having a conversation with myself these days.

We were suppose to have a party yesterday, but no one ended up showing. I really didn't care if you ask me. Ian and Dan showed up and that was about it. ChelC and Whitney came over later, but Whitney had to babysit. Dan, ChelC, and myself end up going to Steak N' Shake (which I have been to 3 times this week) for about 2 hours just hanging out and talking. Before that, we just sat and listened to Dan play some songs he wrote. I don't know what I was feeling during his songs, but they just made me think and wonder. I'm not going to say anymore about that. Just because people read this and I don't want to say anything that I'm going to regret. But, I had a lot of feelings and things I could've said at the moment he was playing. ChelC went home after Steak N' Shake, which left Dan and I to discuss life in my backyard for a couple of hours. Its really nice to know that you can have someone to talk to that understands how you feel on every aspect of life. I'm glad I have so many friends like that. Sometimes I just wished that girls I cared about would feel the same about me...

Random thing, drink holders are the most confusing things to hit theatres since butter became "butter flavoring". You've got one to either side of you, as well as a nice arm rest that it is attached to. But the question is - When someone is sitting beside you, which is HIS drink holder, and which is yours? Right or left? RIGHT or LEFT? Sweet Jesus! I have to know! Similarly, which arm rest is yours? If you must share the arm rest, who gets the front and who gets the back? Of course, this is inevitably decided for you, as while you are thinking about such things, a big old moose of a man who could crush you with his nose hairs, will sit next to you. He will put his big giant hairy arms on the armrests to each side of him. You, being a little skinny bastard will quietly whine to yourself and place your arms in your lap. Thank god I'm not a skinny little bastard. I take my arm rest dammit.

I had a couple of stupid human acts that I achieved today. These acts also helped me to realize A: Don't shoot bottle rockets out of your hand and B: Don't dive into the shallow end of a pool. I went outside to do some fireworks and the first thing I did was light a bottle rocket. Now, my sister failed to inform me that these have a delayed fuse on them. I thought that it was a dud so a pulled it closer to my shirt to see if it was out. All the sudden sparks just shoot out of it, catching my shirt on fire briefly. I'm just glad it didn't get to my chest hair, or else I would've went up in a flaming ball of retardation in no time. Then I miscalculated my dive into my pool. I dive into shallow water all the time, thats why I didn't understand. I dove into the pool and smashed my nose on the bottom of it. I'm a tough guy and I can honestly say that it hurt like a mother. Back to more emoism, my brother had some friends come over tonight to swim. I was out there of course. Sean, Matt, and Craig all had their girlfriends in the pool with them. This made me feel like absolute crap. I did feel better when Matt's grilfriend Kat was actually trying to be around me though and hang out. I have known her since 6th grade. She was hugging me and stuff, and hanging off of me. This was uncomfortable considering the fact that her boyfriend was not 10 feet away watching this. So I just kind of got out of the pool and made my way to the hammock to, low and behold, think. The more and more I think, the more I want to just express my feelings. I have tried though, and its no use, thats why I just keep my feelings to myself. Well, thats all for tonight kids. I'm done speaking my mind about loneliness and grief. Who knows maybe if you took the time to change your heart and look around, it would astound you. One final thought, everyone has to be something to somebody to be anybody, anybody that tries to be everything to everybody is nothing to anybody. Ruminate on that and wonder...is the person so right for me so close that I can't even see them...or do they choose not to see me?