Tired Of Being Tired

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake."
- From the movie Fight Club

I am so tired of insomnia. I am fatigued out of my mind and I can't stop it. Unless you have it, you don't know how much it sucks. Sure I get sleep now and then, but its only for hours on end when I do. I can't sleep because I'm up all night just thinking. Thinking about life, love, and the future. It may sound stupid, but it keeps me awake. When I was growing up it just seemed normal, and why wouldn't it? It was all I knew and I just thought that is how things were. It was only when I started sleeping over at other people's houses as a kid that I realised that not everyone lay awake for hours. In fact many people fall asleep as soon as they hit the pillow.

Insomnia is a funny thing. Funny peculiar anyway, certainly not funny ha ha. You never know when its gonna be bad or really bad. Thats the thing with insomnia, its never good. Especially during school. You're so tired that you can't do anything. Too tired to think, too tired to speak, just tired of everything. I just long for some sleep. In fact I even wonder if I have insomnia at all. Maybe I just don't need any sleep?

In case you're even remotely interested or have similar experiences you want to share, come spend a month in my bed. A little self-indulgent, maybe, but I think it might be interesting for some of you to know what it's like. I feel like I need to be rocked to sleep. I think it's the closest thing to hell on Earth. The worst part is, I can't dream. When I get sleep, I have the most beautiful dreams of a beach, and the ocean, and the girl I love. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. Maybe having something so beautiful and real in a dream, I wake and its not there. I hold her hand in my dreams, then I reach for it when I wake, its not there. Maybe one day I'll reach for it and it will be there. I pray to God it will. Maybe that will help me sleep. I know its only about 5 o'clock, but sweet dreams everybody...I know mine can be. Get some sleep...for my sake.