Craptastic Sunday

Today is turning out to be pretty craptastic. I was right too, I did get a VERY good night of sleep. I was out for like 10 hours. I'm beginning to think that the source of all of my sleep deprivation is coming from stress. See, when I wrote how I liked Whitney that gave me a sense of getting some stess off my shoulders. I told something, so it wasn't circling in my mind anymore. I had nothing to think about, so I fell asleep. If I got that much sleep from writing it down, just imagine when I actually tell her. Thats gonna make for some good rest. On a more stupid note, there is something wrong with my computer again. It just keeps restarting itself, I can't do anything on it. Right now I'm posting from my grandma's computer. Its not the fastest in the world, but its a lot better than mine right now. I'm thinking about opening it up and poking around in it a little. Thats what I've spent most of the day doing, just dicking around with that gay ass thing. Then Sean and I went to our grandpa's house to put the cap back on his truck bed for him. While we were there he gave us a shit load of golf balls. I mean like 150 of them. What the hell am I going to do with 150 golf balls. My brother knew. We went to Granger True Value to se Craig. His uncle Barry made a little driving ranger behind the store. It was really fun, its in the perfect spot. You have two choices of things to do, you can either aim at trains when they come or smack them off of the side if Martin's. It was really fun, and it took out some more stress in the process. We went to lunch with Craig at the side door deli. It was some good stuff, as usual. I guess that my brother and Melissa broke up again, even though things haven't changed at all. She still comes over and they still act like they're a couple. Don't ask me what's going on there, if I were to voice my opinion, I would tell my bro to forget about it. Obviously she doesn't know what the hell she wants, let her go and do...whatever. But thats just me. But yea, just another one of those days where you have nothing to do but sit and think. You know, about...RANDOM THOUGHTS!!! I'm tellin you guys, I'll never run out of them. Here you go, I'm sure someone finds my thoughts...amusing. See you around bitches.

Do you think that the late Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead is still is grateful that he is dead, or do you think he sold out?

Man, I’ll bet Santa Clause gets sick of cookies…I hope that dude is not Lactose intolerant…I always set out a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer…Fat guys gotta have their energy…Last time he came to my house, he ended up past out on the couch watching re runs of Everybody Loves Raymond…Half the kids in my hometown didn’t get presents until the next day, and I think he may have been a bit hung over, because I hear he waited in the sleigh and let the elves take the shit down the chimney…And one of my friends swears he saw him puking down someone’s attic vent.

Speaking of Lactose Intolerant…When did this whole thing come about…When I was a kid, if milk made your stomach hurt, you drank something else…I never heard of Ice Cream making someone fart…I don’t get it…Eat your fucking Oreos and shut up…If you don’t like cheese, pass it down…Oranges give me bumps on my tongue, so I DON’T eat oranges…What a concept…I am Citrus Intolerant…Where are my pills…I have to have an orange in an hour…

I don’t smoke pot…But I sometimes hang around people who do…They always have great snack ideas, and if you are low on cash, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal…If all of your friends are stoned, just start talking about cheese pizza, or graham crackers with peanut butter…You’ll be well on your way to snack heaven in no time at all!!! Don’t forget, they all love dessert as well!!!

I like watching stoned people on Thanksgiving or at a big buffet…If they could move faster, you know they would fight…

Ham Vs Bacon
In America, there is a definite distinction between "Bacon" and "Ham"…The confusing thing happens when you order pizza…"Canadian Bacon", as a topping, means you want "Ham" on your pizza…However, in Canada, "bacon" is "bacon", and "ham is ham", and there is not really an item called "Canadian bacon" unless you are referring to bacon from a Canadian pig…Bring in the UK…A "Bacon" sandwich is a "ham sandwich", and things that have "bacon" on them come with "ham"…For Example, if you order "bacon" on a cheeseburger, you get a slice or two of "ham": unless you are at an American fast food chain, where, of course, "bacon" is "bacon". I am not even sure they make "bacon" in the UK, which is fine with me, because I don’t like "bacon" but I like "ham"…This means in the UK, I like "bacon"...I knew a guy in school named Al Bacon…Kevin Bacon was in Footloose…Jack Ham played linebacker for the great Pittsburgh Steelers of the late 70’s. And I played soccer (football) against Mia Hamm when I was growing up, and she is a big star now…Can someone please help me with this?

Side note: I don’t like bacon or sausage, but I like ham…I like sausage if it is in stuff, like Queso or on a biscuit…I also really like white meat pork, or most pork in Chinese Food or Barbecue…I don’t like Miss Piggy, but the Three little Pigs are OK…Porky the Pig is an Asshole, but that Wilber from "Charlotte’s Web" was "SOME PIG."

I hate being on an airplane and going through a lot of turbulence…I have started dealing with it by pretending I am on a boat, at the lake…Sometimes I even look back and give the water skier the finger…If the flight attendants were in bikinis, and the cabin smelled like sun tan lotion, I would be tempted to pee over the star board side of this puppy while its moving.

Speaking of airplanes…How many people wish they would just have a plane set up somewhere at the airport so we could practice sliding down the big yellow inflatable slide…You put a kiddie pool at the end of that thing, and you have an entire afternoon of fun…AND we are all going to have experience if we ever really need the thing. Remember to take your shoes off. You don’t want to ruin the fun for everyone.

Question for all of the guys out there…Does anyone else go through periods where when you are done going pee-pee, you put yourself up, and a little squirt of pee decides it wants to make a daring escape and places a little wet dot on the front of your pants…I hate when this happens…If it is really bad, you have to put a little extra water on so people will think the sink was just really strong…And when you return to your group you have to announce, "Man, watch out for the sink…It is a soaker." I am in a dry spell right now, but a year ago, it was really bad…And I don’t wear underpants, so basically I was going down my leg…Really uncomfortable on a cold day.

If I owned a cruise ship, I would give free cruises to hot chicks who liked to sun bathe topless…I think this would really help bring in the business…I wouldn’t even have to advertise…I would just need to cruise around some places that had big crowds a few times and then word of mouth would get me the business…The girls could make extra cash by having tip jars and talking smack to all of the dudes…Who thinks I am a GENIOUS?