Time To Move On

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."
- From the movie Fight Club

There are so many good quotes from Fight Club, I could use them all day. Aside from Donnie Darko, this has to be my 2nd favorite movie. Let me start off by saying that today is the day that I change, for the better. It all started after school. I went to Brian's house to play some volleyball, get practice and conditioning out of the way. That gives me my workout for the day. Just playing makes me realize how much fun I can have just being myself. When I'm playing, I don't even care about winning or losing. As long as I'm making the other guys laugh, I'm doin my job. Makes me feel great when I'm with those guys. Then I drove home to put on my face paint for the football game. I looked like I was gettin ready for war Braveheart style. My face was all black with a yellow cross going down my face and under my eyes, my goatee was all gold too. I drive to the game, and people I don't even know are saying awesome and givin me high fives and some props for spirit. It made me feel really confident and comfortable with myself. What really changed my night though, was seein Lauren and Paul together. I was happy already, but this is where my quote comes in. To me, she was my everything. I don't know if she realized it or not, I don't know if she cared. But, she's happy with Paul, which makes me happy for her. It hurts like hell though, everyday, the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else. I lost everything that I tried to hold on to, I didn't try hard enough. I've finally decided to move on, let it go. I don't care anymore. I freed myself, now I can do anything. I'm gonna make things better for myself, letting go was the first step to happiness. Step two, is conquering this goddam insomnia. I am trying to fight it the best I can. Its hard to do. I have motivation now though. Just the thought of dreaming makes me want to sleep. Maybe my dreams have moved on too, only time will tell. This is all about making me happy, cause right now, I'm not. I should be, but something doesn't feel right to me. I'm trying to find whats missing, why I feel empty. Some people are born with tragedy in their blood. I hope I'm not gonna regret the decision I'm making, that's the last thing I need in my life is more regrets raining over my head. It just makes me wonder what if you could go back in time, and take all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better? I feel now I can finally get some rest. For I am Jack's dreams, I am Jack's hopes, I am Jack's broken heart.