Lets Do It For Johnny

Hey everybody, I just had something on my mind that I wanted to say. I don't know how many of you have ever heard of the band Bowling For Soup, but they kick ass. I espcecially like their old album, Lets Do It For Johnny. If it were up to me, I would change the album's name to Lets Do It For Boochie. I swear, its like every song on that album pretains to my life in some certain way shape or form. A lot of the songs on there remind me of Lauren. I would like to tell her which songs make me think of her and why, but I don't think it would be right. Like I said I have to restrain myself, she is after all in a relationship with Paul. But, if I had the chance, I would tell her. *sigh* In other notes, I think Shoup is gonna try and get me a job at Le Peep, and that would just be awesome. Not only would I get to work with people I know, it also sounds like a lot of fun. I hope everything works out alright. I also found a Holloween costume for school and Sunday. I decided to go Mel Gibson style with a little Braveheart action. Oh Yea... I can so pull off a kilt. I just wanted to do something that no one else I knew was going to do. What better than William Wallace? Now I'm rambling. Alright thats all I had to say about the day. Now I think I'm going to go home eat my first meal of the day and watch the new season of South Park. But, I noticed I haven't left any random thoughts in a while. My gift to you, MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS!!!!!! YARG!!!!!!

The other day, I went to the dentist…It is good to take care of your teeth…they are your greatest asset…Without them, eating is a pain, and opening packages requires other tools…Beside, without teeth, how would you bite the shit out of someone who had you in a head lock…While I am on the subject: Your mouth is not a bottle opener…Stop opening beers with your teeth...

I just discovered about a month ago that I like tomatoes…This really sucks, when I think of all of the tomatoes I have picked off and thrown away over the years…It got me thinking…What else is out there that I have been missing by being such a picky eater…I have decided to pay the tomato back by launching a love for tomatoes campaign…The Slogan…"Love Tomatoes…Fuck Mushrooms".

I am not going to lie to you…I have looked at Internet porn, and magazines will never be the same again.

If I were a king I would retire after a few years and relax…It just seems like royalty can be so darn stressful; what with all the polo, and jubilees and what not…I just don’t see how they keep up.

Once I was walking under a tree and it dropped an apple on my head…I was sure the motherfucker did it on purpose, so I kicked the tree and broke my big toe…I was afraid of word getting out that I had my ass kicked by an apple tree, so I chopped it down and set it on fire…I am not sure, but I think my reputation spread among the others in the tree community, because I have yet to be hit in the head by falling fruit since.

I want to be Captain of a ship for a day…I don’t wish to sail anywhere, I just want to wear the outfit and make dudes swab the deck…that shit looks hard…I would also make people call me Captain, since that is what I would be…My friends would get really confused and try to call me Brandon, but I wouldn’t answer them…They would get really annoyed and call me Captain Asshole or something, so I would kick them off the boat…People would learn to respect me if I was Captain…Then the next day I wouldn’t be Captain anymore…I would be Brandon…I could apologize to my friends for kicking them off the boat and we could all walk by the boat again so I could call the new guy Captain Asshole…I just want to see this thing from both sides.

You know that Mr. T guy…what the hell is his freakin problem?

I like television commercials…I really do…I think it is nice that people spend so much time and money to make their products attractive to we the TV viewing audience…I would like to have my own commercial…I would advertise myself as a really nice guy, but I would have a skinnier guy play me in the ad so as to make me more attractive to the anti fat guy community…You see, that can’t be considered false advertising, because I would print the words, "actual Horwarth may differ slightly from the Horwarth you see on the screen." I think I would be a good seller…The stores would have lines to pick up the new Horwarth…I would be the item to have on the Christmas list, and kids would ask Santa Claus for a Horwarth…The only problem is, there is only one actual Horwarth, so I am immediately out of print and collectable…My God, whomever ends up with me is going to make a fortune on E-bay…I should sell myself…I guess I need the commercial first though…I do like commercials.

I have been thinking a lot about growing up, and all of the relationships and broken hearts we go through…I always wonder how many times I said "I love you" to someone and knew I didn’t mean it…It makes me think about all of the people that have said they love me and didn’t mean it as well, and I get really pissed off, because I hate when people lie…I mean, if they were lying to get in my pants, that is one thing, but just for the sake of dragging this heart through the mud…I don’t think anyone has ever used me for my body, and that really, really hurts…It really does…I want to be a booty call…Isn’t that what we all want out of life; to be someone’s "go to" sex slave…I forgot what I was talking about…Oh yeah, Love…Love sucks.

If I didn’t have a cell phone, I would never talk to half the people in my life again, and I am not sure that would be a bad thing…Come on people…Write a fucking letter once in a while…I am going to get a tumor if this phone keeps ringing...wait a minute I don't have a cell phone. Nevermind then.

When I think of all of the friends I have in my life, I have to thank beer…I really can’t stand a lot of them, but when they bring over a 12 pack, it is really nice to see them.

Why do I run the air conditioner in my car in the winter? Because I can.

You should always ask someone if it is OK to pet their dog when you pass by…if they say "no," kick the living shit out of the dog and run like crazy. Just kidding. Flip the person off and tell them you are more of a ferret person anyway, and the dog looks like it needs to be put down from lack of love in its life…They will let you pet it then.

I have decided to stop buying Birthday presents for everyone except my parents…I still expect gifts from those around me that have always bought me things, I just really don’t think I will be Birthday shopping anymore…