Waking Up Without You is Like Drinking From an Empty Cup

It just doesn't seem to quench my thirst.

Once again, it has been ages since I have looked at my blog here or even considered making a post on it. Up until this very moment in time right now. Everything once again has changed. 1: I never really liked Lauren again. I just started liking her because she was showing me some sort of attention, which I was willing to capitalize on and jump all over. Is that really what I want though?? To settle like that?? No. It isn't. At the same time would it be so bad?? The more I think about it, do I get pissed at people who settle because they just want something...or do I get pissed because they aren't settling with me. Its odd. I'm not sure where I stand on that one.

In case you haven't guessed by now, this is going to be a happy rant about life and love. Big fuckin surprise.

What happened to the good old days of just being content with driving around, listening to music, going back to a house to relax and watch a movie, and just cuddle?? Enjoy the company. Seriously. Theres no one I have found around here that is willing to do that with me. Not a single God damn person. All I really ask for is a girl who digs me, is actually going somewhere with their life, good taste in music, dark sense of humor, and is just ok with not going out all the time and instead staying in to watch a movie and being happy about being alive and with eachother. Whys that so hard??

There is no one like that in my life. There are only 2 people I could think of off the top of my head in this very moment that I would date. 1: Suzie, that would just be too damn weird though. So it really doesn't count. 2: Chelsea, she is pretty much awesome and fills every qualification...but shes not an option. Been there before. Doesn't work out. The only qualification she lacks is the whole "has to dig me" part. Summed up, its not a problem of me dating her as much as it would be her dating me. So basically after those 2 options it boils down to...fuck. Just plain and simple. Fuck.

I'm not really bitter about anything. I don't think relationships are terrible, on the contrary, I think they are lovely. I just wish I was in one. I don't hate women by any means. Everytime I claim that I'm going to join the celibate life, I'm never serious. I know I'll find something sometime in someplace...I'm just tired of waiting for it. Roll out the dice onto the board as I play love's favorite past time, the waiting game. The kicker of it is, I don't like playing. Its like in elementary school when kids poke and prod at you to play baseball or basketball and you don't want to. Why not?? I don't want to play because I'm not good at it, alright. You happy?? You stupid ass kids. I don't wanna play alright?? Let me just go over here and do something I'm good at. Now the thing about playing any other games is that you have to find one of those people thats not already playing with the other kids. Thats all I want. I want to find someone to play with me. As dirty as it sounds. Just go with it. I'm tired of playing the waiting game like everyone else. I want to start my own game. I want to be like, " Hey, I'm going to go over here and play tetherball. I'd love it if you would come play with me." That would be all too perfect. Just asking for a simple game and waiting for "I'd love to."

It doesn't take a reason to love someone,but it does to like someone. You don't love someone because you want to, you love someone because you are destined too. It's because you fall in love with them, that you then try to find a reason, but you always come up with the answer, there is no reason. When someone asks you why do you like me?? You have to have the answer. Its when you love someone that you can't explain anything. The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident. I'm waiting to be someones accident.