I'm Never Alone, I'm Alone All The Time

I just want to start out by saying that its been a week since I've gotten my speeding ticket, and I still haven't called it in yet. The way I see it, I have 30 days that gives me till around March 10th or so to call. I'll just wait till then. Besides I'm really not in any hurry to spend $120 on something so stupid and pointless. I hate laws, only when I get caught breaking them.

I'm surprised that I haven't gotten in trouble for my involuntary act of vandalism at school. It was a total accident, in fact I shouldn't even get in trouble considering that I was the victim. It was Wednesday morning and Woody and I were just messin around by C door like we always do. Just a side note, I really do believe that he might be gay. If Woody's not gay, he just likes to hang on me a lot...yeesh. Anyway, we were wrestling around and somehow I tripped on his boot and we both fell backwards. I was in an awkward position, a kind of side russian leg sweep if you will. I fall i hear an enormous BOOM!!! I feel a massive jolt of pain just rush to my head. It hurt so bad. I started rubbing my head, and all I hear from Woody is "Holy Shit!!, Holy Shit!!" I turn my head in agony to see that the bottom glass pain of the window in the door is totally cracked. I mean it was like one of those massive shatter cracks you see in car accidents. One of those windshield explosions that you just know someone's head had crashed into it. This mark on the school was from my head. Woody thought I was dead. I layed on the ground for a good ten minutes, until we figured they would come looking on camera. We got the hell out of there and no one's heard a thing since. It was funny cause Dean Riggs and Dean Frang questioned us to see if we had any idea who did it. We have no idea at all, if they find out it was me, I'm just going to claim I can't remember. I could say I got a concusion and a mild case of amnesia. Sorry I'm Brandon, what's your name again? Where am I?

So Valentine's Day was on Monday. I was really excited because Caitlin was going to come over, Ian and Chelsea were invited too but I didn't think that was gonna happen. I was kind of bummed about that, Ian's one of my best friends. I want to hang out with Chelsea more too, she is so awesome and sweet. Anyway I was kind of pumped and excited to spend Valentine's Day with someone. I was gonna surprise her by making her dinner and buying her some roses. I get home and start cooking and I asked Caitlin if she was home from babysitting. I'm getting ready to pick her up and finish food at the same time. Then she asks me a favor, if we can do it some other time. ... ... ...Yea, no problem. We can do it later. I guess the surprise was on me, I'm not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed. I talked to her for a little bit and wished her a happy Valentine's Day. I continued to make the meal, for no reason at all. There was no point in throwing away perfectly good food. I barely ate any of it. I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to eat any of the food that I had prepared for someone else. The only thing I could do was wrap it up and throw it in the frigde to get old. I took off my nice clothes and just kind of slumped onto my fouton. I popped Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind into my XBOX. I just needed to hear that opening line that Jim Carrey says. He says that it is nothing more than a Hallmark card holiday created to make guys like me feel like crap. The food is still in my fridge.

I'm just getting really tired of being alone. I want a girlfriend. All I see around me is hands being held, lips being kissed, feelings being shared. I want that. More than anything in the world right now, I want to have someone to hold and love. Its been 4 long years since I had a real steady girlfriend. I just wanted to say that I'm sick of being alone. Bush said it best in one of their lines from the song Glycerine. "I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time" I just want to find someone who shares my thoughts ans interests. Someone who appreciates who I am and the things I do. I'm tired of waiting. All I've done is give and give and give, I'm patiently awaiting my return. Its better to give than to receive though right? God knows I've given love, I just wish I could receive a little. I've said my peace. Poured some of my heart, I'm going to my restless slumber. Sweet dreams world.