I Heard From Someone You're Still Pretty

What a truly beautiful song "The Trapeze Swinger" is. It is ironic that I had to discover the song through Johnny C's song stealing, but none the less. It takes no beauty away from the song. The lyrics never seem to stop rolling over in my head. Everytime I'm on this computer or in my room, this song is playing. It wasn't until last night that the impact of the song finally hit me and brought me to tears. I don't know if I had finally interprited the lyrics for myself, or if it had something to do with the thought that was on my mind. Either way, I cried, like I haven't done in a while. It wasn't your normal couple of tears that stop after a few minutes, this was full blown crying. Anyone who reads this and thinks lower of me, i can honsetly say fuck you. I’m gonna call this one a muddy masterpiece. If you don’t already listen to Sam Beam (aka Iron & Wine) you really should start, and you need to listen to all of his last two albums before plunging into this song. There are some really powerful metaphors at play in it, some that come together better than others. He starts the song in his classic style, ever the filmmaker/cinematographer, he packs a hard emotional punch by giving a very vivid image that immediately recalls childhood innocence, a boy and girl exploring a kitchen as though it were an Andes mountain trail. Love is sacred in our universe; it is characterized by unceasing commitment between lovers, by forgiveness, and above all the desire to be together forever. It’s a love well described in the Bible as the kind offered to us from God, and many have mistaken his religious laced lyrics as evidence of his faith in the Lord Almighty, but this song proves otherwise. The second verse keys us into the central metaphor, but in actuality there are two, wrapped inside of each other. Upon listening, it seems as though the narrator has lost his love and simply wants to be remembered by her, fondly and accurately. Yet dig slightly deeper and you realize he is dead, lost in purgatory (or maybe in hell trying to get out), and symbolically he is the trapeze swinger, swinging back and forth between heaven and hell, be they real or imaginary. We learn that the pearly gates have these hilarious scribbles on the wall, “we’ll meet again", “fuck the man", and “tell my mother not to worry”, signs for and by people that have gotten all the way there, and yet still refused to go in (or were refused). In classic Christianity, all it takes is simple belief to be inducted into heaven, but for the boy of the story there is more at stake, in dying he loses the love he had with her. Now we’re back in memory land, the narrator caught playing tricks at halloween by the girl and his subsequent embarrassment. Sam’s lyrical vagueness rears its ugly head here, “that season left the world and then returned” I’m going to assume means that the narrator, even at a later age, has not really changed, but repeats his same tricks and is embarrassed again while the girl moves past childish fascinations. It’s here at their disconnection that he wants her to mistake him, off with his friends at happy hour and yet lonely. Instead he prefers to be remembered as a child, when the two of them were taken to go see the circus. There they saw a trapeze act that was, as it would be for any child, a lot more impressive than any stunt ever pulled. We also get man/animal symbolism here, first as lions then as dogs, impressive but impulsive, able to be pleasured but not satisfied. The symbolism plays into the classic argument that the difference between humans and animals is that we have souls that can reason. Yet since there is so much we do not or cannot know, we’re left in a real pickle in understanding the logic behind our existence. Making out behind the circus in the parking lot (swinging back and forth), we get our second reference to death. He’s lost in the pleasure of the moment while she speaks of the fatefulness of it all, that it cannot last, and it frightens him. The verses beautifully render our moral dilemma, succinctly stated in the line “who the hell can see forever?” but more specifically, wanting something that lasts forever but not able to comprehend it, we must choose between earthly, yet finite pleasures or else seek out, through whatever means, that which lasts forever. For many, this equates to faith, forgoing earthly pleasures for a religion, an afterlife, a Savior for our sins. He wants to be remembered as the consummate human, carving pictures on the pearly gates of heaven, even at that last moment still swinging back and forth between believing or not. Between leaving his love behind or not. I’m reminded of the end of Fellini’s “La Dolce Vita” in the last verse, all the people of the director’s life come out to hold a magnificent circus with him, as a boy, conducting. It’s the image I like to visualize as the song ends, and I imagine myself as the little boy, surrounded by the people I love, disregarding the sunset. I find something amazing in this song. It’s an acknowledgment in the artifice of all the religions and philosophies, and yet still the attempt not to discard them but push past them...to take what they seek to give us but find it for ourselves. I'm not a very religous person, I'm just giving my insight on this song and how I feel. "The Trapeze Swinger" is one of the most beautifully written masterpieces I have ever unfurled my ears onto.

My week is really blurred to me right now, don't remember much. I'll do the best I can. George came home on Friday for Steaks N' Stogies. I have to say that it did turn out to actually be a good time. Before that, I wanted more than anything to go see ChelC on her break. Unfortunatley, I was running late due to Walmart calling me in to work produce. That place may be the scum of the Earth, but the money is well worth it. I sat/wandered around the mall for about 2 hours, thinking maybe she hadn't gotten off yet. I ended up riding the escalator at L.S. Ayres up and down about 2o times. From there I headed to the pet store to see what kind of animals they had. I hate going in there. I love animals, its just always that one chance that you go in and there is that one puppy that stares at you and begins to cry. Its when this happens that I feel like shit. What if humans were pets? What would we do if we were locked in a glass cage for the world to look at us and wait and hope for someone to find us...oh wait we already do, its called love. I usually don't post at 6 in the afternoon, but when you don't get any sleep you really just stop giving a shit about time. I left the pet store and went to see if ChelC was busy. I know how much she hates it when people go to see her at work, but I wanted to let her know that I was there, that I didn't forget. I walked by Gloria Jeans about 15 times, she was busy every time. In those 15 times somewhere, I walked into Bachrach and tried on $500 suits. I don't know why. I just had the urge to be one of those assholes that goes into a store, tries everything he possibly can, and leave with nothing but what he walked in with. Those were rather nice suits. I finally just said screw it and went in. I apologized for being late and I proceeded to the Dill's. That was my Friday.

Saturday I pretty much spent the day with ChelC, Scott, and Dan. I went with Dan and ChelC to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I have to say that I expected a lot more out of it. It does relate to the book much more than the original does, but it just wasn't nearly as good. Do not go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. After that, we made a little trip to the Dollar Store and then to Dairy Queen. I was secretly hoping that Lauren was working, so much for the secret. She was. I was very hurt by the fact that she just kind of ignored all 3 of us. No not kind of, she did ignore us. I expected as much though. She looked terrible, she looked like she was just worn out. She even had a sense about her that she just wasn't all that great, I miss who she used to be. She did give me free ice cream, and I did thank her for it...besides that there were no other words exchanged. Unfortunate. Scott met up with us at the DQ and I took Dan home to get ready for work. We hung out at Pizza King for a while. Scott and I went into Low Bob's and bought some little bitch pipes for a good laugh. With nothing to do, I drive into Michigan and we end up on a little lake to watch the sunset. It was one of those scenarios that just makes me really start thinking about life and what I want out of life. It makes me think about things I shouldn't be thinking about at my age. Things like marriage, children, humanity, God. That and the thought of words better being left unsaid. Then you stop and think about that, are the words really better left unsaid? What you happen if you said them? They've been said before, and its always ruined everything. You just wonder, what if it means something this time, what if finally someone cared? I guess sometimes we just have to take time to make sure, while making sure not to take too much time.

Dan, Scott, and myself ended up in the ol' backyard again. We arrived and I was greeted by my next door neighbor. I could automatically tell that Ohst was wasted out of his mind. I waved my hand in front of him and gave him a gentle shove, he just about fell on his ass. Its things like that...he drove home. I don't really care much for him, but I must, seeing as I made sure he made it to the front door okay. Its reasons like this that life is taken away, stupid mistakes. How many times can you make a mistake until you can no longer call it one? That is the relevance of that story. We proceeded to the backyard and began our talk. There isn't much to say, I just shared some feelings that I have had for a long time. I felt terrible. So many words to be said, and all that many more that weren't. I eventually just had to escape my mind. I don't know if it was my thoughts alone or them with the mixture of Dan's lyrics, but I just sank to the bottom of the pool. Fully clothed, I sat at the bottom and escaped myself. If only it were for 30 seconds, it made a huge difference. Everyone has their getaway, whether it be smoking, song writing, drinking, mine is being underwater. It just gives me a sense of being careless and free. There is no sound, all you can see is blue, you can't speak. You just sit in tranquility. Being underwater, you look up and see the stars. Rippling in the waves seeming the cosmos to be a vast ocean of beauty and neverending wonder. Arisen from the water, I see two faces gazing upon me with confusion and understanding. I slowly make my way out, take all my clothes off, and wrap a towel around myself for the sake of my friends not having to see me naked. They made their way home and I made my way to my room. "Trapeze Swinger" playing in my ear with me sitting out of my window, observing the stars. Just wondering if someone out there at that exact same moment is looking at that exact same star, thinking the same thoughts you are. Good evening world, until next, peace, love, and a hopefilled smile.