Instant Message Sex

Just thought that I'd throw a little comment in here. Why do people bother with cyber-sex?

Me: "Oooh...I'm Booch, and I'm 17 inches long"
Cyberslut: "Wow, Booch! What would you do to me with that?"
Me: "I'd stick it down your throat to shut you the hell up".
Cyberslut: "That's sexy. I'm an 18-year old girl, 100 lbs, 5'7" with blue eyes and blonde hair"
Me: "Wait, you typed too fast. Now I've messed myself."
Cyberslut: "That's OK, I like guys who prematurely ejaculate."
Me: "Really?"
Cyberslut: "Really! and I like underwear stains too."
Me: "Well, I can't help you there...So, what are you wearing?"
Cyberslut: "I'm wearing a Victoria's Secret thong and a see through blouse."
Me: "Funny, that's what I'm wearing too!"
Cyberslut: "I'd love it if you twisted my nipples for me."
Me: "You actually WANT a titty-twister? What buttons do I need to press to accomplish this?"
Cyberslut: "I think it's "Control-Alt-U", the U looks like a saggy boob."
Me: "Oh, OK...hang on."
Cyberslut: "Wow! That was great! I've never had anyone press the Alt button that hard before!"
Me: "Thanks, it must be those 27 inch biceps I carry around with me."
Cyberslut: "I love big muscles!"
Me: "I can bench press 200 pounds with just my earlobes."
Cyberslut: "Wait a second. My boss is walking in."
Me: "Your boss? You're 18, and you're wearing lingerie and you are at work?"
Cyberslut: "Sorry. I lied. I'm actually 23 and I'm wearing a business suit."
Me: "A business suit? What kind of chick wears a business suit?"
Cyberslut: "Well....I'm not actually a chick."
Me: "WTF????!!!!"
Cyberslut: "Can't we continue to pretend that I'm a young girl? I'm actually a 250 lb. man with man-boobs. I'm 57 years old, and I'm a construction foreman. I just need to feel pretty sometimes."
Me: "Aw crap...you typed too fast again. I've made another mess."
Cyberslut: "Can I lick it up?"
Me: "Sure. Just press ALT-CTRL-L for licking."

Now that you are done reading this, I hope you get my point. Go out somewhere and find someone real to have sex with. What the hell is sexy about the Times New Roman font? I guarantee you that anyone who's young and attractive is not sitting at home cybering with you on a Friday night - no matter what they say, no matter what picture they send you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take this thong off. It's killing the blood supply to my nuts.