Snowballess

I stand by my previous post that this week was indeed THE single handed worse week of my entire life. I found out that Lauren is going to snowball with Paul. Deep down inside, I knew that they would go together. I could just sense it. I don't even know why I tried to ask her to go with me. I knew she wouldn't...deep down I knew. So now, I'm left with no options for a date to Snowball. I have also come to the conclusion that I suck at life. It is a big, twisted sick game that we are all forced to play. Some of us fair much better than others. Some people play the game just right and live the life of a King or a Queen. I'm one of those feeble little pawns, not a regular one. I'm one of the pawns that has to act as the sacrificial lamb in order for others to gain success. Why is it that when you dedicate your life to being the kindest, sweetest person you can, you always end up being the one getting short changed? I have the ability to make others around me be happy and help them with their problems. Its funny...though I am so wise about other peoples conflictions, love lives, family problems, and what not, I'm so clueless about whats going on in my own life. Sometimes I just don't understand what I'm suppose to do. What do people expect from me? I'm always putting everyone else before me, I just thought maybe I'd get something in return. Don't get me wrong though, I'm glad that Lauren is going with Paul. Its one step closer for her to being with him again. But you know, sometimes a break up is like a broken mirror. Its better to leave it broken then to hurt yourself trying to fix it. My whole situation in life right now has opened my eyes up to a couple of things. I now realize that part of loving someone is learning to let go. A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious, not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. When you finally let go, you're free from any pain...but your hands are empty. Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. It only means that you are strong enough to let go. With that, I give up. I quit. They say no matter how dark the night is, the sun always rises again...I say lost love makes one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again. I'm ready to move on. Find someone who cares for me as much as I do for them. Yea, I'm still going to Snowball. I don't know if I'll find a date or not, but I'm going to that damn dance. If its by myself so be it. I'm not going to let anything stop me or bring me down. Its only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.