You Can't Second-Guess Ineffability, I Always Say

So here I am, its been a good solid half a year since I've made a post on this blog of mine. I don't even know if you can count an emofied Furby as a whole hearted effort. In fact, don't. I just think its ironic that I was the one who started the blog trend amongst my friends and then we all just abandoned them. To think that people believe that no one reads this anymore, thats pish posh. I'm just saying that to add a little light note to this before I start getting bitter, honest, and even a little hated. You ready?? Here we go.

Quick sum of of what has happened in the past year in a half (not in any specific order):

• I had a girlfriend for 2 months and then she broke up with me
• One of my best friends dated my best friend
• I berated him as a human being for it and trust will never be the same between us.
• My friends broke up, she can't deal, he is fine.
• I've caught up with many old friends and have been questioned why I never get over people I am in love with.
• I had 2 new jobs.
• Attended meaningless college.
• I haven't changed

Here's where the bitterness begins. I can understand heartbreak. Believe me or not, I do. It passes. I can't stress the fact enough that it will pass and you will be fine. Don't question it and say you won't be. I refuse to believe that the worst thing to happen to someone is when your ex breaks up with you. Its all about hanging on and denial. Its over. Believe it or not...it is over. Enjoy what you had, not what you're missing. You're going to get your heart broken more than once in your life. I'd be lying if I said they get easier to cope with as you go. I guarentee though, this, is not the worst one. Don't spend so much time waiting that you just let life pass you by, if thats what you want...fine.

I can safely say that the worse thing to happen to you is not a boy or girl breaking up with you. I'm pretty sure a doctor telling you that you are going to be in a wheel chair by the time you're 35 is worse than that. You can argue with me, but you are wrong. I can say that this is the first time in a long time that I have been genuinely afraid of something. I am deathly afraid that I have MS. I am haunted by the fact that someday I will be in a wheelchair and unable to walk because there is a disease eating away at my nervous system. That is something to be scared and confused about. A broken heart will eventually mend, nerves in a spinal column can't magically fix themselves.

Whether I want to admit it or not, Scott and I will never be friends like we were ever again. Its just a fact.

The more that I think about it, I'm going to be sad beyond expression when Chelsea goes away to college. I can understand she needs to get away from everything. I'm going to be brutally honest when I say that a lot of it can be considered "running away". At least in this point in time. She may hate me for that, but thats alright. I know she will miss me, but I just have to tell something that no matter how much she does...I will not be able to express how much more I will miss her. Imagine the right half of your heart just ripping off from the left and leaving. Its like that. Just a nice gaping hole to smile about every morning.

Aside from select family members, I am tired of people calling me Booch. I just am. I'm tired of hearing that "Booch" is an amazing human being, "Booch" deserves to be happy, "Booch" is a role model. For once, I'd like to hear someone believe that Brandon deserves to be happy. I've grown to hate Booch. If I could kill anyone with my bare hands. It would be this Booch fellow. I've always liked Brandon, its a nice name.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma or limbo. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed: and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying. Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. As I look back on all that's happened...growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever...and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.