Have You Ever Heard The Sounds In The Shadows Of A Song?

Sorry I've been MIA for so long. This is just a quick post to say I'm still here and I'm gonna post a long message soon, but I've just been stupid, silly busy working for corporate hell and what not. There's just not a whole lot to write about thats worth taking the time out to read. I mean I basically have the same routine everyday. I start my day by going to work at 10p.m. to 7 a.m., I come home and go to sleep until 3, around this time friends of mine start getting off of school. I hang out with someone until around the time I have to go to work...voila...lather, rinse, repeat. Not all that exciting.

I was supposed to come back and tell Mr. Blog here all about my crazy misadventures at Purdue. Did that happen...fuck no. Why not? Walmart. Plain and simple as that. I wish it was more complicated than that, it just isn't. Monday and Tuesday are my days off and they had me come into work anyway. I was lividly pissed off to say the least. Not to mention having the feeling in the back of my mind that I am letting down everyone that was waiting for me. To those, I am sorry, there was just nothing I could do. I could've told them to piss off...but I didn't. Maybe it was that flaw about me that was kicking in to effect. You all know about it, that one where I just go ahead and let people use me as their own personal red carpet for life. Just roll me out and let footsteps collect glamorously. True no matter how many times it is trampled, the red carpet still looks amazing...but you have to take into account the underside. Tattered and worn at everyone's expense, knowing that its just going to be rolled up and stored until further use. Where once again it will be glamorously trampled at the expense of the side no one sees. Point being, this was just a mishap that happened in the cogwheels of the clockwork. Give it time and I'll be down at Purdue to see everyone. Give it time. Same goes for those at IU.

I was at ChelC's house the other day just talking to her in the backyard. There was a hummingbird that came around and just acted as if it was observing us for mere seconds. It truly is amazing how fast they can flap their wings and yet the go no where. ChelC used it as a metaphor for her life, a good one at that. It just made me succumb to the realization that there are so many things in this world that go unnoticed and unappreciated. Imagine if you could slow down time and space as we know it and just watch that hummingbird. Watch every effortless flap of those tiny wings, moving ever so rapidly with a slow melodic pace. Just wonder how they are so well calculated, straight down to the point of not even realizing they do it. Flying to them is like blinking to us. Done so easily all the time, its just habit and adaptation.

On that note...I will have to conclude on a later time. Now I'm off to Bella Vita to talk with ChelC. Here's to that toothy smile, and anticipation for part 2...

Alright, anticipation period is over. Just got back from Bella Vita with ChelC, good times as usual. It made it all the better that we got free goodies because they made too many or something. Who says loitering gets you no where? Now to see if I can muster any of what I was going to say before I left. Lets see, just got done talking about the hummingbird...I was going to segway into my comical part of the post. Here it goes.

I was at work the other night when I heard one woman make a comment to the other. I was assuming that these two were friends. She made a comment about how nice her breasts were. Now that is one thing that I have always found fascinating about women, no not their breasts, the fact that they can comment and compliment eachothers anatomy. This is of course ok if your a woman. You know they just go ahead an analyze eachother and its cool. One goes ahead and starts feeling the other ones breast. "You have some nice breasts (analyzing process) so soft...yet so firm" Now picture two guys standing at a urinal..."Hey Earl, nice balls you got there...(analyzing process) so soft...yet so firm" See it just doesnt work out that way. Its ok for women but if guys do it...its just not right.

Alright thats all for tonight. I'll leave the toothy smile here for anyone to pick up on. I'll give you some albums to check out as well, not too many though. Here comes that part of the post where I ramble about music...w()()t w()()t!!

Artist: Death Cab For Cutie
Album: Plans

Death Cab for Cutie might be one of the best bands on earth. Gibbard's voice is breathtaking and soothing. His voice actually makes you smile. The best songs on this cd are by far "Summer Skin" and "I Will Follow You Into The Dark." Such powerful songs. "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" is Gibbard's way to face death since he is petrified to lose anyone around him especially his girlfriend. "Summer Skin" is a great song for the summer especially if you have had a summer fling. There's something about spending your summer doing certain things and the end of it that affects you. Gibbards lyrics put it all into perspective. Sometimes the summer can make us do things that we regret and things that might break your heart. Shedding of your summer skin is a very depressing and beautiful because you lose all that summer fun in that skin when it starts peeling because obviously its fall and summer is over, which is a very depressing thing. It's beautiful because you sort of become fresh, reborn when that skin is shed. Summer skin parallels the old saying that spring means rebirth. What a great song. Other favorites are Manhattan, Soul Meets Body, and Different Names For The Same Things. Although Plans sounds similar to Transatlaticism, you have to love Plans because the aforementioned album is awesome. As is Plans. Plans has some songs that could be included in The Postal Service's play list. The great thing about Cutie is that they are taking risks and they are playing to their public. With the success of The Postal Service, why wouldn't they sample a little of that sound? It's very smart of them. Being on a brand new label has not changed their sound one bit. I know a lot of Indie Rockers think Cutie is selling out. Dudes!!! Let the boys make themselves heard. Stop being so protective and let other people listen to them. Jeeze!!! Finally, Gibbards voice is the glue that holds the band and the songs together. If someone with a lower voice or a different sound were doing any of Cuties songs, they wouldn't have gotten this far. I foresee great "Plans" ahead for the band of the year.

Artist: Blue Merle
Album: Burning In The Sun

I will start this by saying I LOVE THIS ALBUM! Its great. Period. It's some of the freshest music out there right now. The instrumentation gives it a texture that really turns an ear. Acoustic guitars, mandolins and fiddles blend to make an interesting feel. Though the instruments suggest it, this is not bluegrass. Nevetheless, Blue Merle has a sound that is so unique, except that their singer sounds like the Coldplay frontman's clone. However, musically this is what Coldplay should sound like. Coldplay is just a little too simple and Blue Merle uses just a little more creativity and complexity in their songwriting. There's just more going on here. The music is more dynamic. It builds, peaks, terraces, thickens, and sprawls out into a light airy atmosphere, all in the same song. The instruments play a bigger role in the music. The mandolin part in the title track, the fiddle solos on "Lucky to Know You" and "Places", the bowed bass line and acoustic guitar solo in "Stay", the airy string arrangements, the firey mandolin in the chorus of "Boxcar Racer", the fast lines at the beginning of "Either Way it Goes" and the crooning mandolin and fiddle on "Part of Your History" all add to the texture and the excitement of the album. There are also good vocal harmonies on the album that you don't hear from groups like Coldplay. The musicianship on this album overall is just a little more mature that what you find on the Top Seller racks these days. Another thing to note about this album is the lyrics. Especially on "Stay" and "Places." The lyrics act as pure poetry and say a little more than "O baby I love you" and "Let's make the world a Better Place" and "O baby I miss you." This album is a must have. I can't wait to see what these guys put out next.

Artist: Aqualung
Album: Strange And Beautiful

While the album as a whole is strong, there is certainly a differing level of quality amongst the songs. The title track is great but the next two are merely decent songs, never reaching the sort of heights as the first. But the fourth track, "Brighter Than Sunshine," then comes in and picks the record back up. This is a much more positive, upbeat track that, pardon the pun, really shines. The album then moves into a mixture of strong and simply good songs before flowing into an amazing second half. Interestingly, as "Brighter Than Sunshine" makes clear, even an upbeat song from Aqualung feels mere steps away from tumbling into dark corners of the mind. This is a strength of the album--the ability to always be within reach of the more melancholic states of mind. Combine that with the fact that this tactic never seems indulgent or tiresome and you have the perfect album for when you're in a quiet mood. Hales' voice is smooth and soothing, confident over his piano work and always imparting a sense of weariness that, nevertheless, does not overwhelm or depress the music. It's a fine line he straddles, being able to perform an upbeat track while keeping the listener aware that sorrow often comes hand in hand with happiness and joy, feeling it lurking there under his words, ready to come forward at any moment. Aqualung is original, yet familiar. You'll hear definite strands of Coldplay throughout the album and there are moments that sound like less-eccentric Radiohead as Hales' voice takes on qualities of Thom Yorke. Thankfully, though, the songs never come across as derivative. Aqualung's music is clearly its own, building on the artistry of others rather than attempting to mimic it. The first half of the album is solid but a bit uneven, moving through a series of songs that vary in their sound. The greatest strength comes toward the end of the album, starting with "You Turn Me Round." This is where the record's atmosphere fully kicks in. The songs become darker and more melancholic, laced with pain and too much experience. The vocals are gorgeous and the piano work encompassing. "If I Fall" is soft and subdued, plaintively asking for safety and comfort. The following song, "Easier To Lie," is a strong and subversively up-tempo track. Strange and Beautiful's final two songs are magnificent, offering a wonderful cap to the album. "Extra Ordinary Thing" is a haunting lullaby, with Hales' voice sounding consistently on the verge of being overwhelmed with emotion. The piano is perfect, building on and accentuating the lyrics to create a pervading sense of beauty and unease. The final track, "Another Little Hole," perfectly sums up the album, continuing the quiet and haunting tone of "Extra Ordinary Thing." Hales bookends the opening song's tale of putting a spell on his love by singing, "The day is breaking / and time is taking / the love we're making away. / The gods have spoken / the spell is broken / and love will tear us apart." It's a sorrowful song and not particularly hopeful, but it is beautiful. And that, perhaps, is how best this album--and Hales' expressive lyrics can be described: beautiful. Sorrowful and lilting, yes, and haunting and thoughtful, without a doubt, but first and foremost beautiful. How appropriate the album's title turns out to be.

Christoff, The Piss Drunk Seagull

Think Of All The Times You've Once Had

Dear friends,

Well, its come down to the wire and everything is finally coming to an end. Penn gets up and running to the ol' edumacation routine in a few days (which means back to school for some), Dan leaves tomorrow, and the summer is over. Well, not yet. I'm not one to count a couple of days as a good completion though. I mean how can I do that considering that everyone that is worth having one last hoorah with, is gone. Oh well, theres always this last night to go to Steak N' Shake. The trend that was born out of ChelC's mind. Started out as 2, gained a 3rd, got to 4 and it started getting shakey, then it all just went to hell one night. Never again do I go to Steak N' Shake with a large group of people...NEVER!! Its just one of those things I refuse to do, much like drinking diet pop or peeing in a urinal. I won't do it. Back on track here, I'm just tryin to say that I would love to just have one last night of that. The same feeling I had when the summer started. I just want to have fun and be with people I love being with. I want to sit in a booth and talk for hours on end about everything that is nothing. Laughing uncontrolably at things that aren't funny. Most of all seeing them do the same, one more time. *sigh*. Who knows, if things go real well maybe finish off the night by going back to ChelC's house and watching a movie. I did very much enjoy those pink couches. Whos to say though, that would just be a good completion in my mind. That seemed to be the only thing we did this summer was...nothing, and it was beautiful. I'd relive every second. What better way to end the summer than how it started?

I was at work the other night, and I happened to notice this little boy that was playing by the cheese all by himself. I was on break and I figured, hey, I didn't like playing near the cheese all by myself when I was his age. Now mind you, he was only about 3 or 4 years old. I figured his mom had to be around somewhere near. I go over and say hi and he gets over joyed like crazy. I mean this kid was like ^_^, which made me all O_O. Took me by surprise how happy this little boy was to see me. Anyway, I talk to him and ask him what hes doing. I should have known that he was playing cheeseman...damn that was fun to play. Don't ask. Long story short, 15 min go by no parent to be found so I just saty with the kid. Scary part. This little boy, at several points of our interaction, called me daddy. Of course this rendered me in a state of unknowingness and cornfusion. Alright, hes human, he made a mistake. Creepy thing is, little bugger looked oddly similar to myself. I mean unless I did something in my sleep that I don't remember...I can't recall having any chillins. Though there was that one time >_> <_<>_>... Anywho, a Code Adam comes on for a small boy with red sweatpants and a Kermit the frog T-shirt (damn that was a sweet shirt) I carry the little guy to his momma. Never seen her before in my life *phew* close one. It made for an interesting night, I'll give you that.

You should all make time and check out the song "Beautiful Man" by Lori McKenna. It will make you feel warm and fuzzy and sad and happy and lonesome all at the same time. (Now that's quality art!) It is one hell of a song. One of those life changers to those who like that stuff (hint hint wink wink...yea you know who you are).

Speaking of music, there are 3 albums that I am looking forward to more than any right now. 1: Plans by Death Cab For Cutie 2: Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers and of course 3: Good Apollo I'm Buring Star IV Volume One: Fear Through The Eyes of Madness by Coheed and Cambria. Ben Gibbard is a musical genious and both The Postal Service and Death Cab have changed my life. I've found some songs online and I can say that ultimately this album will deliver everything the group does best in emotional, experimental songs such as "What Sarah Said" and "I Will Follow You Into The Dark," which blend stark lyrical details with acoustic guitars and soft-focus electronics. In "Soul Meets Body," meanwhile, songwriter Ben Gibbard has come up with the kind of blissful, beatific pop song that's capable of disarming even the harshest skeptic. "A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere," he sings. One damn good songwriter. I need to thank Dan for turning me on to The New Pornographers, you've done it once again my friend, opened up someone's eyes to new music. Doesn't that just make you feel good inside? Coheed is just amazing, in my personal opinion. A lot of people cannot stand Claudio's voice, I think its very suiting for the music they play. I just enjoy Coheed so much because of the story they have created with their lyrics and the style in which they present it. I think people under rate their abilities as artists. I am really looking forward to their concert in October. Its going to be one good show. w()()t.

I just read that Ivanka Trump's (Donald's daughter) new boyfriend is named Bingo. Who the hell names their kid Bingo? I can just see it now....
"Daddy? This is my new boyfriend, Bingo."
"Bingo? How do you spell that?"
"B-I-N-G-O"
"And that's his name?"
"Yes...Bingo is his name-o"
On a related topic, Hugh Grant's girlfriend is named Jemima. If he marries her, then Hugh's sister's kids will have to call her "Aunt Jemima".....

I think thats enough rambling for now. It was a long night at work and now I get my 2 days off WOO WOO!! You ask yourself, whats he gonna do now that hes done. Who knows. Whos cares. I may help Shoup by giving him some more kick ass Megaman tips and pointers. I may go eat some food and store it in my fat ass. Hell, I may even go skydiving. We'll see where the strong breeze takes me. Going to lunch with Dan and Suzie in a couple of hours, until then I have to meander off and get the hell away from this thing known as a blog. I'm stalling, can you tell? Well, here comes that breeze...and here goes a toothy smile. *whoosh* (gracefully taken away in the breeze while humming a happy song)

Truthfully yours,
Mr. Booch

Welcome Home

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!!! NEW COHEED AND CAMBRIA CD !!!

"Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness" -- Release Date: 9/20/2005

Check out www.coheedandcambria.com and check them out!! I posted their preview song, "Welcome Home" from there!

WOOOO!!!
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Instant Message Sex

Just thought that I'd throw a little comment in here. Why do people bother with cyber-sex?

Me: "Oooh...I'm Booch, and I'm 17 inches long"
Cyberslut: "Wow, Booch! What would you do to me with that?"
Me: "I'd stick it down your throat to shut you the hell up".
Cyberslut: "That's sexy. I'm an 18-year old girl, 100 lbs, 5'7" with blue eyes and blonde hair"
Me: "Wait, you typed too fast. Now I've messed myself."
Cyberslut: "That's OK, I like guys who prematurely ejaculate."
Me: "Really?"
Cyberslut: "Really! and I like underwear stains too."
Me: "Well, I can't help you there...So, what are you wearing?"
Cyberslut: "I'm wearing a Victoria's Secret thong and a see through blouse."
Me: "Funny, that's what I'm wearing too!"
Cyberslut: "I'd love it if you twisted my nipples for me."
Me: "You actually WANT a titty-twister? What buttons do I need to press to accomplish this?"
Cyberslut: "I think it's "Control-Alt-U", the U looks like a saggy boob."
Me: "Oh, OK...hang on."
Cyberslut: "Wow! That was great! I've never had anyone press the Alt button that hard before!"
Me: "Thanks, it must be those 27 inch biceps I carry around with me."
Cyberslut: "I love big muscles!"
Me: "I can bench press 200 pounds with just my earlobes."
Cyberslut: "Wait a second. My boss is walking in."
Me: "Your boss? You're 18, and you're wearing lingerie and you are at work?"
Cyberslut: "Sorry. I lied. I'm actually 23 and I'm wearing a business suit."
Me: "A business suit? What kind of chick wears a business suit?"
Cyberslut: "Well....I'm not actually a chick."
Me: "WTF????!!!!"
Cyberslut: "Can't we continue to pretend that I'm a young girl? I'm actually a 250 lb. man with man-boobs. I'm 57 years old, and I'm a construction foreman. I just need to feel pretty sometimes."
Me: "Aw crap...you typed too fast again. I've made another mess."
Cyberslut: "Can I lick it up?"
Me: "Sure. Just press ALT-CTRL-L for licking."

Now that you are done reading this, I hope you get my point. Go out somewhere and find someone real to have sex with. What the hell is sexy about the Times New Roman font? I guarantee you that anyone who's young and attractive is not sitting at home cybering with you on a Friday night - no matter what they say, no matter what picture they send you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take this thong off. It's killing the blood supply to my nuts.

Never Thought Forever Would Go This Fast

Well here it is, Saturday, August 13th.

Just getting home from a long night at work. Man, who knew that employees at Walmart are so fucking stupid? Thats a rhetorical statement. I've been working there a month and I have already achieved a promotion over people who have been working there for 5 years. I have become the head honcho in the frozen food aisle...that is when Kristene is not around. She's a really cool girl. She has everyone that works in grocery convinced that I am a clone of Jack Black. I don't see it. The thing is I get that all the time too. Hey, you know who you remind me of? Let me guess. Sisqo? Sting? Martha Stuart? Trent Yeoman? Anyway, they have nick named me Mr. Freeze. I'm still trying to figure out if that is really gay, or really cool. I think its pretty gay, but the fact that they tried to give me a nick name is a nice sediment (yes I mean sediment). I have come to grow an immense hatred for frozen food. I don't know if its the fact that I put up with it for 9 hours every night, yea thats it. I come home and I open the freezer and I am immediately regretful that I opened it. Nothing in there appeals to me anymore. It is nice coming home with some Dave Matthews Band Magic Brownie Ice Cream every night. Who could have thought that the collaboration of DMB and Ben and Jerry could be so nice.

I go home every night on my lunch break, I don't know why. Its not like anyone is going to be on the computer at 2-3 in the morning anyway. I have come to notice that the traffic lights have the same routine every time. I turn out of Walmart, I get in the left turn lane to turn onto Main. The light is red when I get there. The opposing traffic gets the green light, of course there is no one out to use it. I sit for about 2 minutes waiting for the light to change. That light and I really don't like each other, its a mutual despising. I go all the way down to State Road 23. I right turn on red. The light turns red as I approach the stop light for Cleveland and 23. I eventually make it to the light on 23 and Fir. Its always green, but I have to stop and wait for the arrow. I look at the light and I give it a toothy smile, every time I do, it turns green. Its a straight shot home from there, It just freaked me out because this has been a non-faulty routine for about a month now. It may sound stupid to you, but I think its pretty cool.

I went to Bella Vita last night with Ryan. I "forgot" Dan was there with his friend Jackie. She seemed like a really cool girl. She laughed at my humor, so I like her right from the get go. Back to the story. D-Unit and myself wanted to check out this rumored $8 water that they sold. Right now you're probably saying what kind of dumb shit pays $8 for water? We didn't. The mystical water that everyone talks about is only $2.39 after tax. I have to say that I was disappointed with the product. It tasted no different than the water I get out of the faucet of my sink. Its all in the packaging. I mean...VOSS. The bottle looks like one of those canisters of ooze from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Its a sweet ass bottle. Plus who can resist and bottle of water that says "artesian water from Norway". I mean...pfft...Norwegian water does it get any better than that? If anyone is thinking mineral water from Germany...I will kill you. That shit is gross.

I need to have a good hangout with Dan and ChelC...I'm already going through denial of all my friends being gone. I need to get in touch with old friends that are still here. I need to go have lunch with Whitney and Heather sometime. I've never hung out with Heather outside of school, I think its past due that I do that. I just need to have someone to reminisce on the summer with me, someone who was there, God knows Dan and ChelC were. What a summer...

Today, the day all of my dearest friends leave to start their lives. It makes me look back on all the good times I had with everyone. I could remember being naive, innocent little kids. Thinking that all the good times and the fun would go day in and day out and last forever. For a while there it really did. As the title says though, I never thought forever would go this fast. I've just been reflecting a lot on everyone that is leaving, and I focus on all the good times I had with that individual. None of the bad. I don't want to remember any bad thoughts about anybody. One example I am going to use is Ian. After all of the stuff that has happened to him on the fallout of this summer, I didn't get a goodbye. The last thing I did was shake his hand and give him a stare of death and anger. Thats not what I wanted at all. The last thing I would ever want is to have a farewell happen that way...but it did. I couldn't say goodbye to him over the internet. The least I could do without getting him into further trouble was to call him and say goodbye. I know for a fact that he is going through hell right now. I just needed to use that as an example. A bad time, I don't want to think about. I just want to focus now on when I go down to visit the guys and I get to make up for how I acted to him. Ryan is gone. Scott is gone. Robbie is gone. Ben is gone. Gone...am I sad, no, not in the least. In fact I couldn't be happier. How else am I going to experience P-Due if I'm not going yet? Thats right, through my bros. Everyone that is gone, I will miss you a great deal. All you bastards have to come back eventually, I will be waiting for you to come back too. If you leave me in this hell hole and never come back I will be pissed as hell. Meh...G-Town's not that bad. Here's to the day though. Here's to all those good times we had and the good times yet to be had. You all have made my life all that much better by having some sort of role in it. You are all my friends and forever will be. You scratch my balls, I'll scratch yours. I meant back of course. I'm just saying, now there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles, the time comes to remember for one long last while, we can laugh about how time really flies, we won't say goodbye, cause true friendship never dies. You'll all be friends forever in my eyes.

I'm The Potsie

You know, its been one of those days where all you need is reality and a good days sleep to bring you back to yourself. Whats the old blog going to look like tonight? I predict a little heart warming, some laughs, and even a little Trent Yeoman...Please keep all hands and feet inside the ride.

First above everything else, I apologize to Chelsea from the bottom of my heart. I have been a major jackass for a very long time. I never meant to make her feel guilty for me feeling bad. I never saw her as being mine to hold, I just thought it would be nice. Its pleasant to have nice thoughts every once in a while, even if it will never happen. I just want to put out there how much fun we have had this summer. Ever since the trend we started by going out late at night and into the morning. Doing that every other day for a while. Just her, Dan, and myself. Laughing at things that shouldn't be funny, but were anyway. Trent Yeoman, Berenstain bears, that's what she said, X-Treme bear...*sigh*. Then something happened. What happened? Where did all that go wrong. It was so much fun, just being with two people that you would go through hell and high water for. The trend expanded, it was killed by those who don't appreciate it. More people came, it was just raped. Its never been the same since. What happened to all the fun we had. Don't get me wrong, its still very fun, but it just doesn't feel the same. I just want the last days left with everyone to be like that. Just so much fun that you don't care about anything else. Nothing runs through your head but laughter and jokes. Will it happen in the next 4 days? Back to my main point...Chelsea, I love you as a friend. That is the extent of that. I love you like I love Dan and Scott. Its sounds cliche, but it still reads true. The other night, I was under the influence of alcohol. I wasn't myself. I look back on how much of an ass I was, and the following day. Rambling out of my ass and putting my own words into someone else. I became the thing I detest most in this world, an asshole. I can't take back what was said or what I did. I just hope that it gets to the point where we can make ammends. I want to go back to being that good friend that "saved your life". Those were the good times. The times I want to remember, not times like these. To everyone out there, I was seen in a rare state. A state of intoxicated jealousy and disbelief. It happens to the best of us? Who knows. All I know is time is wearing down, and I am back to myself. I just hope I make the best of it.

Once again, I am ready for everyone to leave. I hang out with everyone too much. It has worked two ways. Hanging out has caused to to realize the redeeming qualities of some, and the disgusting ones of others. In all honesty I am sick of spending everyday with some people, and others I can never be sick of. I just need these next couple of days to come and go. It will get me away from the everyday happenings of the day before. I am going to become the Potsie of Granger. As all my friends go off to college, I'm going to be at home sitting in the local restaurant and talking to friends of friends. Granted Steak N' Shake is no Arnold's, it is still the same scenario. It won't be all that bad, I mean if Anson Williams can survive 3 more seasons after everyone else ditched...why can't I. I mean I can last without my friends in town, I didn't mean just for 3 more seasons. I've got more seasons in me than that. I'm not going to get cancelled anytime soon. Besides, its not like I'm never going to see them again. In my personal opinion, we just need a break from eachother. At least I do.

One of the worst scenes in a movie ever has got to be when they are playing chicken with tractors in Footloose. What the hell? It has to be one of the stupidest scenes ever to come into fruition. Stupid. Fucking stupid.

I could write about some other things like work, school, what I have done in the past couple of days, but I simply don't have the urge of the desire to do so. Its been an interesting summer. I have witnessed people change. Myself included in there. I have had laughs, cries, yells...its been a good one. Wouldn't change a minute of it for the world. Whats done is done. Now I look forward to the next step and I am more than ready for it. Its going to have good things in it. I will meet new people, form stronger bonds with friends which whom I have lost touch. I will miss them all no doubt, but thats life. That old feeling of missing whats right next to you, and knowing thats just the way it has to be. A message to all of my friends in form of a song by Death Cab For Cutie called 'I Will Follow You Into The Dark'. I got a hold of it from their upcoming album 'Plans' which will be available at the end of the month. I have my ways. Goodnight everyone, rest easy and sweet dreams. Peace, love, and the good ol' toothy smile.

To Dan: Actually listen to this song, don't drown it out with your own/I'm not fat, I'm Trent Yeoman...FUCK YOU!!

To Scott: I broke the brotherhood...Scott's gonna be pissed!!!

To Ian: A pacifist...isn't that what babies suck on. No, that's a pedophile.

To Chelsea: Can we watch Constantine? I'm so cornfused.

To George: I left you a present in the loft if you ever come back...ruh roh.

To Shoup: You stole my fucking Cloudsong!!!!

To the world and everyone in it: Ready or not...here I come.

It Was Nothing, At Least It Made For A Good Laugh

Sorry everyone, but no happy go lucky post tonight. I figure everyone else has spilled their thoughts and feelings into these things, so why don't I give it a shot? Here we go kids, buckle up and get ready for the no holds barred honesty...So I've spent the last couple of nights over at Ian's house just with the friends and all. You know with everyone leaving in 5 days and all. In all honesty I want them to leave, the day can't come soon enough. I'll miss them like hell, but I want them to go. Who ever thought that some of your closest friends could cause so much complexity and stress in such a short amount of time. Fuck it, I'm just going to skip straight to what is bugging me. Last night we were out smoking hookah and Chelsea and Ian are cuddling, or what have you, and I have my foot on Chelsea's leg. I was rubbing her leg with my foot in a caring fashion. Ian mentioned that he was uncomfortable with that, quite frankly, I didn't give a shit. Somewhere during the night she went inside to go to the bathroom, Buckley raises a question to Ian. "So whats the deal with the chick? Are you getting any?" Ian just kind of had a dumb founded look and responded with "Well I did sleep with her the other night." At this point I am thoroughly disgusted. Buckley went on to ask me what the fuck my problem was. I told him. I care about Chelsea. I'm not going to apologize for doing so, I don't think I should have to. I can't help how I feel. I have feelings for her, straight and to the point. Everyone and their mother knows that I have had feelings for her for a very long time. Conversation continues, "What you need to do is bring her close in to you, push this fucker's leg off of you and go in for your move." This is Buckley talking to Ian. I don't know how this is going to play out between the two of them, but I just don't want anyone to get hurt. Which is evident that someone already has. I know she is only trying to make the best of the time left with him, and that is understandable. I am not helping anything at all by writing any of this, if anything I'm going to make things worse. Today, Ben and Ian were making a mockery of me and what I did last night. They all laughed. You know what, small shit means a hell of a lot to me. All I did was move my foot, but that made me feel good. I don't know why it did, knowing full well that all it was doing was making people feel uncomfortable. In all honesty, there have been times that I just want to hold her. It may sound like I am mad at the world right now, and I feel that way. Someone told me that its okay to hate the world every once in a while. I haven't done that in a long time, so here I am. I don't hate her though, nor could I ever. No matter what she does, she brings a smile to my face just seeing her. I felt like shit, things like that make me feel that I may have a chance. Some day, some how, just a single chance. It makes it hard to believe that chance will ever come when everyone just laughs at you. Hey you have feelings for Chelsea...everyone point and laugh. HAHAHAHAHA!! HE DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE!! HAHAHAHA!! Its things like this that just make me question, what in the fuck am I doing. I try and I want to show how I feel, but there is no point. What good will it do? None. If anything I fear I will lose Chelsea as a friend forever. I could not live with myself if that happened, I would be miserable. Why am I even trying? 1: I am making an ass out of myself 2: I am making Chelsea's life more complicated than it needs to be 3: The whole situation is nothing, just a good laugh for all the bystanders. I know this all sounds ridiculous and ludacris, but this is how I feel. I have no regret in showing how I feel or saying so. Tonight we went to Stone Lake, awkward as hell. Last time I was there I told Chelsea I still care about her very much. Then she asked why, I never said. If she was ever to ask me again, what should I say? Would it make a difference? But hey, what can you do? Just sit back and be the comic relief for a couple more days, 5 days isn't that long to be laughed at. I think thats all I have to say for now, thats all I want to say. Straight and to the point. "I'm not that special"...she has no idea what she means to me. Apologies to everyone, guess I just don't know how to stop caring. Goodnight world. Peace, dare I say love, as I push it out and fake a smile.

Your dear old friend,
Brandon H.