From Bad To Worse

I thought everything was going to be cool today. I got out of the shower to a message on the answering machine, it was Whitney saying that she didn't need a ride to or from school. I figure alright I'll just go then. I get to school and have a very interesting conversation with Ryan and Dan. It started out by Pavel saying he was going to poke my eye out. Then Ryan said that wouldn't work because I would look like a pirate. Pirates are cool. So he said he'd poke out both eyes. Then I responded by saying that I would be blind like Daredevil, but I'd be a lot cooler. Instead of seeing a like "dark" world of sounds, I would see in like dotted lines. That way if I ever needed to kill someone I could just rip out a vital dot to their existance and watch them tumble. I would also find my way around by using ultra sonic waves, like a dolphin or a bat. I would just be a blind super hero that could see dotted line dimensions and squeek like a sea mammal. That would be awesome. Somehow we transferred that into Gremlins. I compared myself to a gremlin in the sense that I don't need to have sex in order to have kids. Just pour water on me or feed me after midnight and little Boochies will sprout out of my back. This led me to the conclusion that gremlins are asexual beings. Female gremlins are non existant. Except for the one in Gremlins 2 that got mutated into a woman. That didn't count. Plus take a look at them, they have no...uh...winkies. They're just naked little bundles of fluff that poop out more of themselves. That led me to the stunning conclusion about Smurfs. First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. Smurfs are asexual as well. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a penis? So for anyone that tries to say that baby Smurfs can come from Smurfette, thats bullshit. Shes not even a real Smurf. Now Fraggles on the other hand, I think they can get jiggy and make little Fraggle babies in Fraggle Rock. Yea thats right...I went there. Then I went home. My mom had to go to the doctor and she didn't want to be home alone. I figured this would be a good time to catch up on some work and finish some business I've been meaning to attend to. We had to make a stop at State Farm Insurance. My mom got out of the car to drop the bill off, and all of the sudden I see a pain striken look on her face. I open the car door and she collapses onto my lap. She had another attack again. I was scared shitless. She was screaming in pain, I couldn't do anything because I was trapped by her and the steering column. I began to pick her up so I could put her in the passenger side. She yelled at me not to. Just to let her be for a minute. About five minutes later she was alright. I was so scared. I didn't have the slightest idea what to do. There was nothing I could do. I felt so bad and relieved at the same time. What if something would've happened when I was with her? I would never be able to live it down. It would have waned on my conscience that it was my fault. I just wish she would've stayed in the hospital. I'm glad they're putting her back in soon. Get all the tests done and find out whats wrong. From what I have witnessed and what she describes, I fear that she might have multiple sclerosis. Thats what I think it is. I don't know, who am I to say? I don't have any PhD. She is getting worse by the day and you can tell. Me personally, am a mess. I don't know what to do right now, I feel like I'm alone. I'm never alone though, but I'm alone all the time. It makes sense to me. So thats whats up, January's over...and Valentines Day is coming. Fantastic, another day of love and romance all to myself. Whoop-de-freakin-do. Lookin forward to it though, just to see what happens. You never know, maybe someone will surprise me in the next 14 days. We'll see...

I'll Have 30 Sliders, 3 Onion Rings, And A Small Coke

If this hasn't turned out to be the most outrageously...outrageous weekend of my life, then I'll be damned. Its been a crazy couple of days filled with ups and downs and some smooth bumps in between. Lets start with Friday. I was planning the whole day to go with Ian, Scott, and Ben to this little punk rock cafe in LaPorte. Its called like Java Jim's, or something along that lines. I get home and everyone's gone, now I'm not surprised by this I was just wondering where everyone was. I just killed some time until anround 8:30 when Ian called and said that they were leaving. So, I print off a map and get ready to go when the phone rings. I pick it up and its my Aunt Vicki. I was like hey whats up. She just says I'm at the hospital. I ask her why concerningly (not sure if that is a real word.) But she says your mom fell. I asked her what she meant by she fell. I guess for a couple of weeks now, my moms leg will just spontaneously go numb. Imagine if your leg falls asleep, kind of like that. Story goes, she was taking out the trash and this happened. Along with that her arm went numb and slowly the rest of the left side of her body. She fell to her knees and what "paralyzed" for about 5 minutes. Then she got movement back. Understandably so, she got scared and had my brother take her to the hospital. Turns out the doctors said she had a minor stroke. That has had me worried for the past couple of days. It really concerns me though because she used to smoke, she quit for about 3 years, then she started to smoke again. I hate it. She acts like she doesn't but the whole family knows she does. I think thats part of the problem. What is frustrating the most is even after the fact that this happened, she's still going to do it. I wish she would stop. They did some tests on her and they are going to do some more to find the direct root of the problem. She chose to come home, I don't know how wise that decision was. That stopped me from going anywhere Friday night, my mom is more important than my friends. I get a little sleep and bum away the day on Saturday. I drove around town and spend a couple of hours at Barnes and Nobles. I picked up Ryan and Matt and we went to Best Buy just to browse like we often do. Then I get this huge rumble in my stomach. I hadn't eaten anything all day. A little light bulb flickered in my head, we need to go to White Castle. The nearest one to Granger is in Michigan City. Its only about 45 minutes away. Around 10:00 Ryan, Dan, Ian, and myself took my car and made a grand journey to White Castle. As the title of this entry states, I ordered a lot. I ate about 15 sliders and 2 orders of the rings. I took the rest home to hold me over for the next couple of days. I have about ten left as we speak. It was SOOOOOOOOO delicious. Ryan took a picture of me and my food. Ian made this cool little robot thing out of White Castle boxes, I was mighty impressed with his creativity skills. We were going to take a picture of a restaurant across the street, it was called Shoops. I just wanted to show it to Dave, I thought it was funny. Then I pulled my car over on the way back home and Ryan took a picture of us standing next to a billboard of "Phil". I don't know who the hell Phil is, but it was a funny looking billboard. It was a must. End Saturday. Today I just chilled at work all day. I had to do one of the most humilating things in my life. They made me wear the chicken suit. I no longer have my pride or my dignity. For about a half hour I stood outside of a church in a giant chicken suit. I was just waiting for God to throw a lightning bolt down and smite me for desicrating his church. I was like a holy chicken. That was the only fun thing that happened today. Now I'm sitting here pondering life. So many questions jumbling in my head. Just some things I need to do. I need to get a new job with better pay, I need to find out what I'm going to do after high school, more than anything though...I want a girlfriend. *sigh* So much stress, so much sorrow. But, life doesn't really suck, I'm just complaining. I think that covers it for now. I'm gonna write to Caitlin and let her know whats up. Shes offered to be there for me right now, and that means a lot to me. I love ya Caitlin, you're awesome!!! I'm gonna go frolick in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee...if only it where autumn. DAMN!!!

The Man Code

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "one time in Montreal", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

15. If a mans zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends- low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearing shirts. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.

24. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.

62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

70. It is your duty as a heterosexual male to make your buddy aware of any thong sightings in the immediate surroundings, it is even permissable if the girl is butt ass ugly, hey nobody wants to go down alone.

71. There are only three times when its acceptable for a man to say "I love you" to any other man... 1. He's drunk 2. He's dying 3. He's in trouble and it's the only way out of it (which probably means he's drunk anyway)

72. At no time during a conversation with a buddy on instant messenger is either man allowed to send smiley faces to the other. This is simply too gay and it makes you look like a chick.

73. Under NO circumstances are two men allowed to ride together on one motorcycle/moped. (Exception - your ass better be on the way to the Hospital)

74. Never rent the movie "Chocolat" or "A Big Fat Greek Wedding" unless you know in advance that you will be getting at least oral sex in return from the chick you are renting it for. ( Sex is also required to happen)

75. If you are in the other room having monkey sex and you can be heard over the loud television and through a closed door, then every guy in the house is allowed to listen and laugh and use it against the other guy for black mail, extortion, etc. in the future

76. What happens in Montreal, stays in Montreal. Period. No questions asked.

77. It is acceptable to share a bed with another guy if and only if, it is a king-size bed and there are 2 blankets on the bed. The minute you touch in the slightest way, you are officially deemed a Homo.

78. If your buddy gets arrested and is going away to prison it is your duty to buy him soap on a rope.

79. It is perfectly acceptable to use a trashcan for a bong.

* with every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any man shall happen to break any one of these codes, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from the time of the violation, be considered NOT A MAN. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine way, and he shall bear the name Princess.

On And On About You

Its been a little over a week since I last posted, so I thought I'd just write a little bit. Matt is trying out my little "Last one out hit the lights" motto on PNN. We'll see how that works out for him. I've been playing my guitar a hell of a lot lately. I'm getting a little better everyday. Its so sweet. I've also been writing songs on Tabit like crazy too. I'm on a roll. I have a couple of songs written, now I just have to make lyrics for them. Its cool. Our team had our first IBall games today...we lost both games. Thats alright with me though, it was fun. I did feel bad for Chris though cause he went down pretty hard and may be injured for the rest of the season. I hope not cause hes like 6'8" and we need him. Can't forget to touch on Snowball. I have to say that the beginning and the end of the night was really fun. The middle really sucked. When you have no date and they play all slow dance songs...makes you feel really lonely and stupid. Mostly lonely. Seeing everyone around you dancing with their dates having a good time, then there's you just moping around trying to act like you're having fun. It was sad. But hey...I'm over it. The best part of the night was dancing with Caitlin. By far. She looked amazing. Truth be known, after we danced and she walked off, I spent the majority of the night trying to find her again. Seeing her there made my night. I was driving in my car listening to one of my Bowling For Soup CDs when a song called "On And On About You" came on. The chorus of that song reminds me of Caitlin everytime I hear it now. It goes like this.

I'd like to buy you flowers everyday
Make everyday a holiday
Carry on and on and on about you
and the things you do
The things you do

She makes me feel really good about myself. It makes me feel good to hear her say that I can make her laugh and that I make her feel special. Its also nice knowing the fact that someone cares about you. Its a nice little feeling to have in the back of your mind. Shes an amazing person. I'm just glad that someone has finally noticed me for who I am. We're getting to know eachother better too. Thats good. Actually I probably wouldn't have even posted anything, but she asked me to. I told her I would make it about her, so here you go Caitlin. I like her a lot, so we'll see if this is going anywhere. I'm just waiting it out, and see what happens. Its really weird, cause I got a fortune cookie today that said "The universe tends to unfold as it should" I thought that was kind of creepy...yet very enlightening. We'll see what happens. Until then, sweet dreams everybody, I know mine are.

Last One Out, Hit The Lights

Well, it appears that I lied a little bit. I said on New Years that I would write a lot. In case you can't notice, this is the first time I've done an update since the 1st. So go figure. Well I think its official, my computer is dead. I don't know whats wrong with it, I don't care. That past nine days I have been coming to the library to take care of all my computer related business. Truth be known, its really gay. I have two hours to do as I wish and then I get kicked out. It also blows because the library close at nine everyday. That doesn't help considering all the people I want to talk to don't get on until later. But, I've learned to cope with it. Also things have been getting really crazy at school. A lot have people have been telling me that I am cute/handsome. What the hell is that? I don't know if someone hit them with pepper spray or what. Maybe its the crazy clothes I've been wearing. I've dipped my hand into this metrosexual style, you know the pink and purple and...yea. I have to say that it has been working out for me pretty well. I've got a punk rock style to me, but I don't dress like it. Its strange, I'm just trying to get the best of all worlds and see how it works. I gotta say I like it. I also haven't shaved in a week and I am getting pretty scruffy. I thought about it, and I may just grow out a full beard. Not only will I look really old, but I will put Dan to shame in the process. I don't think it would fly with the ladies though. I'll take a poll and see how it goes. The last thing that I can think about is that IBALL has started. We don't have to play at all this week, but when we start next week, we are gonna kick some major ass. I mean take the boot and ram it right up the other teams collective rectum. That was a little too graphic. I lied, one last thing. I found my camera the other day and realized that I should make some movies. I have some ideas that could take me places. First school, Sundance, then Hollywood. I'm coming Hollywood...brace yourselves. I also want to try out my new little catch phrase. I'm done here. I'm gone, but the last one out...hit the lights.

New Year...New Chances?

Ah...2005 another year to try and make sense of everything and to get my shit together. I think its gotten to the point where I can be me again. Its a new year its the opportunity I have been waiting for. Finally the time has come for me to better myself and get the things out of life that I want. I have come to the realization that last year I was just waiting for the right things to happen to me instead of me going after them myself. "Just one chance is all I ever wanted. Just one time I'd like to win the game. From now on I'll take the chance if I can't have it. Just one...just one." That ladies and gentleman is the chorus to a song called "Just One" by Hoobastank. It is the exact words that are going to start off my New Year. From now on I'm going to take as many chances as I can. If I see an opportunity, I'm going after it. I'm going to make my own opportunities. Thats my New Year's resolution, I'm going to take every dream that I have, and every feeling that I get and I'm going to go for it. As we speak I'm at Ryan's house listening to the guys play poker and Matt is playing football on the XBOX. It was one of the more interesting nights of 2004. Its the last time we're going to have a get together for New Year's sonce we're all going away to college and all. Its kind of sad the more I think about it, but thats life. We have grown to be great friends and we will be for a while to come. Sometimes though you can't escape the reality of life. But I don't want to think about that right now. Its not important. The important thing now is to live like today will never end. Thats all I have to say for now. I have to milk out the rest of the hours until morning when I have to go to work ugh...on another note I saw Lauren tonight and WOW...I mean WOW. She is beautiful. I'm not even kidding. I love that girl. More than life itself. Happy New Year everyone.