Thursday, June 30, 2005

Fathoms Of Rooftops

Good morrow all, I know its not morning but I always just wanted to start a post that way. I was just doing some blogspotting and I thought I would take the time to stop and ruminate on my own thoughts for a while. Went to Ian's house yesterday for his declared day of open swim. I have to say at first I was having my doubts. I thought it was going to end up like my party, in the sense that everyone was going to be gay and not show up. Patience is a virtue, however, and people did show up eventually. It was the usual festivities of swimming, hookah, tuneage, and some free Pizza King thrown in the mix. I have to say for having a leak, the hookah was smokin like a champ. Its always a good time goin over to Ian's place. I have to say that there was a lot running through my mind last night. A lot of words that could've been said that I kept to myself. Thats all I've got to say about that.

Speaking of the reverend I. Edward Dill, as of today there is a new minister in Granger. Ladies and gentleman you are looking at the newly ordained Reverend Booch. I have to say that it feels pretty good to be dubbed a rev. Now, of course I'm not going to call myself Reverend Booch, Reverend B. Steven Horwarth, or what have you. It just doesn't sound good to me. I just wanted to do it for the sake of saying that I have the right to call myself reverend...I just choose not to.

I've been working on trying to write some songs for Myspace Girlfriend. Dan told me that he already has an idea for 2 that hes done. I need to go over there and tiddle around with his keyboard a little bit. Don't ask me what the hell tiddle means. I have a couple of songs that I could use to get this project off the ground, I just need to run them past Dan first. I don't want to be a nagging force on his shoulder's though. He is trying to finish his album by August before he has to leave to go to school. He is trying to think of a name for his album, I suggested Fathoms of Rooftops a while ago for a song name. Now he is taking it into consideration of calling the album that title. It sounded pretty cool to me at the time. Dan, FYI, that is indeed a title that cam into fruition in my head. No one has the rights to it yet and if you want to use it be my guest. Just know that if you make it big, I want at least 15% of all sales that some from that album.

It never seizes to amaze me how much stupid shit gets sold on eBay. Its even sadder that people bid on half of this crap, if not all of it. Take for example a granny smith apple that has an uncanny resemblance to a pair of human buttcheeks. This apple last time I checked was going for $253. Who in the shit pays $253 for an ass shaped apple? The sad thing is that I actually have the time to find out about these things. Hell, give me $253 and I'll give you a true pair of buttcheeks. Take a bit out of that. Freddie The Party Flamingo is on sale for $12.57. All this is, is a lawn flamingo that has had his picture taken whilst doing miscellaneous "party" activities. Such as drinking, hanging with ladies, more drinking, getting ready to get laid, another drink, vomiting, passing out by the toilet, and then waking up in bed with some lube and a copy of Barely Legal. Sometimes I question my faith in humanity.

I heard that Kid Rock song the other day, "Cowboy". When it came out, I was a young and stupid child. When he says the lyric "set up shop at the top of Four Seasons", I didn't know anything about the Four Seasons in Las Vegas. I hears that and my mind automatically thought of the janky restaurant Four Seasons in South Bend, right off of the toll road. I remember when the restaurant caught on fire and it was closed for repair for a couple of months. Made me feel bad for Kid Rock. He lost everything he had goin for him. Then I came to realize that I was a retard and that he never had a hangout on the top of Four Seasons. I was disappointed, until I realized that Kid Rock sucks and I wish he was in that fire.

I was watchin a show the other day and they were doing an interview with Bill Nye. They tried out this new experiment with NASA. It has to do with a newly engineered satellite device that is made of extremely thin mylar. How it works is comparative to that of a sailboat. The mylar material is so thin that the light waves from the sun can actually "pushed" the satellite through space. Now, the whole reason I am writing this is because of an exact quote that Bill Nye said. "We had to get the satellite into space, so I bought myself an old ballistic missile to fire it with"...did Bill Nye "The Science Guy" just say that he bought himself a ballistic missile. Couple of points. 1: The man works for PBS, the same channel as Sesame Street, Arthur, and Reading Rainbow. Where in the hell does he have the money for a ballistic missile? 2: Where in the hell do you buy a ballistic missile? Isn't this what we were trying to prevent about 30 years ago? 3: Where can I get one and how much does it cost? To top it all off, they lost the feed to the satellite so they don't know if it even worked. What a waste of a perfectly good missile. If I were Bill I would've put those commie ass Chinamen down once and for all. Those Chinese sons a bitches are goin down.


Thats all I have to say for right now. Can't really think of anything else. I could leave you with another completely random story of Trent Yeoman X-Tremeness. I don't think I'm going to though. I will leave you with a study about young Italian men, trust me when you read this and you think about Ryan...you will laugh your ass off. Here's to the lady in the back...

A staggering 82 percent of young Italian men ages 18 to 30 years old live at home with their mommies and daddies, compared with 43 percent in the United States and 45 to 53 percent in France, Great Britain and Germany. That's the word from an international study conducted by researchers at the University of London and University of California, Berkeley that was published by the London-based Center for Economic Policy Research. These Italian mamma's boys stay at home rather than striking out on their own for the simple reason that their parents essentially bribe them to do so, report Reuters and AAP. The combination of high rent and unemployment also contribute, but primarily these grown men stay in their boyhood rooms because they are spoiled by their parents. "Parents will be willing to trade off some of their consumption to 'bribe' those children who remain at home by offering them higher consumption in exchange for their presence at home," Reuters quotes the economists who conducted the study as saying. They found that for every 10 percent increase in parental income, there was a 10 percent rise in the proportion of sons living with the parents. In other words, Mom and Dad get a raise and Junior gets to spend it. That's quite an incentive to stay home if ever there was one.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

5 Minute Coffee Break At 4 A.M.

Seeing as it is currently near 4 in the morning, you can all probably guess where I have been. Dan, ChelC, and myself got back from Steak N' Shake. A lot of you are probably saying, god damn, don't they have any lives. I can honestly speak for myself and say...fuck no I do not. I can say that I only had 3 cups of coffee tonight and that I am thoroughly disappointed with the waitress we had. Last time we were there it was the cool waitress named Jamie. Its like music to my ears, Jamie. You had to have been there to understand, I think the 3 of us being as cracked out on life that we are just got her out of her shell. It got to the point where she just brought us more coffee and diet coke. She just knew that we needed more and answered the call of thirst and caffeine induced retarded randomness. I honestly can say that I don't remember jack crap that was said in that restaurant. All I remember is sexy bacon, Michael DeSmith, and something about an Eskimo war that led to Dan converting to Judaism. I did asshole tax them though, of all the times I've been there I realized I never have. I got a nice coffee mug with the Steak N' Shake logo on it. Which I am now using to drink more homemade coffee. Mmmmmm...brewed deliciousness.

So today I went to Ian's house for a little bit. I was drinking a strawberry martini and I had to drive over to his house and spite him because he didn't believe me. Ah martinis, so fruity and about -25% alcohol. Its almost as bad to get drunk off of those as it is with wine coolers...Patterson...*cough*. I sat at his place and watched the end of the original Longest Yard. I have to say that is was a very good movie from what I saw. After that we watched the Coheed and Cambria DVD that I had. We decided that we are going to grow our hair out really long and get it permed so we can look like Claudio. Man that would be freakin sweet. Still POed that the concert in Chicago is sold out. Oh well, they'll be back sometime. After that I just hung out with my "new best friend" Scotty. I had a lot of respect for him before, but now I have all that much more. Just because we found out that we listen to the same music and have the same interests in like past time "activities". I believe I have yet another person to add to the list of people I can talk to for hours on end. Now there are 3. Scotty and I just chilled, had some laughs, and ate some burgers. It made for a good time, especially when we hung out at Pizza King and got some free soda. I was shootin for free food, but why ask for platinum if somebodys willing to give you gold?

I really have nothing else to talk about, thats about it. Its seems that everytime we go to SN'S we always leave with the feeling that we are getting dumber and dumber. I don't know if its the people or the fact that its so late, its just always a hell of a blast. I seem to recall that Dan and ChelC keep getting cooler and cooler the more we go there. Maybe I should try to do things with them besides go there. I already do enough shite with Dan, I'm thinkin more so with ChelC. I have to squeeze all the time I have left here out. I gotta spend some time with her before I'm gone. I'd be ill advised if I didn't. Well you know what they say...when in Rome. Here's a random story I just wrote for the read home. Enjoy...I sure as hell did.

This guy walks into a laundry store, and asks for some peanuts.

Guy: Hey, give me some peanuts.

Laundry Lady: Um, we don't have peanuts, we're a laundry store

Guy: Hey, who are you people? Do you work for the CIA?

Laundry Lady: Um, no, who are you? Whata are you doing here?

Guy: Stuff.

Laundry Lady: What's wrong with you? You people drive me insane! What are you doing here if you don't have any laundry?

Guy: Stuff.

Laundry Lady: Okay that's it.

Lady smashes guy over the head with a cantaloupe.

Guy: Hey, you just hit me over the head with a cantaloupe!

Laundry Lady: Yeah, and the--

Guy: Geez, what's wrong with you?

Laundry Lady: Well you're the--

Guy: I'm not playing hide and seek with you any more!

Laundry Lady: What--

Guy leaves, slamming door. Ants start to eat the cantaloupe. Lady cries, and small rat living in a hole in the store implodes, leaving the cat furious.

Guy: I'm back

Laundry Lady: You cannot walk into my store wearing sliced turkey over your head.

Guy: Yes I can.

Laundry Lady: No you cant

Guy: Are you sure?

[Guy tries to bribe lady with a coathanger.]

Laundry Lady: Leave the Laundromat!

Guy: After you give me some peanuts!

Laundry Lady: You really want those peanuts, dont you?

Guy: Maybe, Maybe Not

Laundy Lady: Leave!

Guy: You shall not live to be older than two cycles of a halibuts unicycle, for Orville Redenbaucher, the popcorn guy, is coming for you. Hahahahaha! All hail Orville..All Hail Orville..

[lady calls the SWAT Team, and the swat team spray the guy with mace untill his eyes puff up and explode, causing the Advill on the counter to topple]

FIN

Monday, June 27, 2005

Myspace Girlfriend

Not much to post about tonight, in fact I think I may be able to sum it up in a little matter of some paragraphs. First thing, I believe that ChelC and I have started a trend of going to Steak N' Shake and sitting there talking for hours on end. It is one of the most fantastic get aways in the world. I don't know why it is so relaxing to sit in a restaurant for hours and just drink coffee. Once again, I believe the only people I could do this with is Dan and ChelC. When they are both there, man that makes for some laughs and some conversation. I don't think I'll go everyday, but every other day would be good.

The "I" in Team
July, 8th, 2005
7:30 P.M.
Sufficent Grounds Coffee House
If you have anything you want to hear, tell Dan.

Speaking of The "I" in Team, Dan and I are starting a side project called Myspace Girlfriend. We were sitting at Steak N' Shake talking about how Dan and this "amazing" girl are trying to communicate through myspace.com. I told Dan that hes got himself a nice little myspace girlfriend action goin on. He thought it was a cool name for a band, so Myspace Girlfriend came into fruition. I think that we should shoot for a sound much like that of Echo and The Bunneymen or the Kaiser Chiefs. Something that uses keyboard/synthesizers...but not too much The Killers, don't want to be overplayed. Plus with Dan having the 4 track recorder, the possibilities are limitless.

I'm going to go with Scotty, Ben, and Megan this weekend up to Michigan. I don't know why I'm going to go, mainly because I hate Granger and it is in the middle of ass crack fucking no where. There is nothing to do here besides work, swim, and go to Steak N' Shake. I have to get away every once in a while or else I would go insane. I don't remember where or why they are going to Michigan, all I know is it is beautiful landscape up there. We're overdue for some Horwarthian Syndrome anyway.

Extremely pissed off that Coheed and Cambria concert was sold out. I think Ian is about 10 times more pissed off than I am though. I do believe that Claudio Sanchez is one of my favorite people to watch live on stage. I have the DVD of them live at The Starland Ballroom, and they rock the house like no other. If I ever went to go see them live, which I will, I'm pretty sure that I will soil myself to no end. Plus I have always wanted to give bodysurfing a go. Thats all for now, sorry about the lack of excitement. This last part is for Dan.

I'M SO X-TREME!!!

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime

Hello friends and enemies alike. I don't have much to say tonight/this morning, how ever you want to take it. I just decided to write because it seems that I left a few things out of my last post that I would've liked to have included. The first thing is that I am greatly anticipating this Coheed and Cambria concert that is coming to Chicago. This is going to be a two sitting concert, one being Coheed at their natural state and the other being an acoustic set. I am very curious as to how acoustic Coheed will sound. I can't think of many songs by them that could be translated over to acoustic, then again, how can you not transfer over. So far I believe that it is just Ian and myself. ChelC wants to come too, and I have no objection against her coming. It will just make the whole experience all that much better. I have been wanting to see them live for a long time coming now. I am just watching their DVD Live At The Starland Ballroom to hold me over until the night of the concert.

The other thing that I was going to reflect on was how much my brother and I are getting along as of late. I have never realized how much Sean is like me. Only in the sense of relationships and what not. His girlfriend is playing games with him right now. I don't know if its the fact that she wants to get inside another mans pants or what. I know that my brother loves her though, with all of his heart. As much of an asshole as he can be sometimes, he really is a good guy and he just wants love. Isn't that what we all want though? The coined phrase for me as of late has been "I'm not gonna lie", and I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I wish that I could find a girl that just is willing to go out with me and just to see what I'm all about. I wish that all the girls I liked didn't already like someone else, or have a boyfriend. In the past I have scared girls away by saying the word love. Who knew that such a caring and generous word could scare away people? Just because I say the word love doesn't mean that I am IN love. All I mean when I say that is that I am there for that person when they need me the most, even when they don't, I am there. I just want to ket people know that I care. Melissa wants to break up with my brother because he "thinks too much". Who says that? What the fuck kind of rational is that for wanting to break up with someone. I don't understand how the world works sometimes. I wish it were like a movie when a boy could meet a girl and they fall in love and happily ever after. I had to laugh out of some emotion I didn't know at my brother. I have to be around people who think too much. Thats all I want in a girl is someone I can talk to for hours on end, someone that will let me hold them and be there for them, someone who wants me for who I am. Thats what my brother needs. He's in it for the sex if you ask me, but he needs to know how to feel love for someone that isn't simple minded. Its like having a conversation with myself these days.

We were suppose to have a party yesterday, but no one ended up showing. I really didn't care if you ask me. Ian and Dan showed up and that was about it. ChelC and Whitney came over later, but Whitney had to babysit. Dan, ChelC, and myself end up going to Steak N' Shake (which I have been to 3 times this week) for about 2 hours just hanging out and talking. Before that, we just sat and listened to Dan play some songs he wrote. I don't know what I was feeling during his songs, but they just made me think and wonder. I'm not going to say anymore about that. Just because people read this and I don't want to say anything that I'm going to regret. But, I had a lot of feelings and things I could've said at the moment he was playing. ChelC went home after Steak N' Shake, which left Dan and I to discuss life in my backyard for a couple of hours. Its really nice to know that you can have someone to talk to that understands how you feel on every aspect of life. I'm glad I have so many friends like that. Sometimes I just wished that girls I cared about would feel the same about me...

Random thing, drink holders are the most confusing things to hit theatres since butter became "butter flavoring". You've got one to either side of you, as well as a nice arm rest that it is attached to. But the question is - When someone is sitting beside you, which is HIS drink holder, and which is yours? Right or left? RIGHT or LEFT? Sweet Jesus! I have to know! Similarly, which arm rest is yours? If you must share the arm rest, who gets the front and who gets the back? Of course, this is inevitably decided for you, as while you are thinking about such things, a big old moose of a man who could crush you with his nose hairs, will sit next to you. He will put his big giant hairy arms on the armrests to each side of him. You, being a little skinny bastard will quietly whine to yourself and place your arms in your lap. Thank god I'm not a skinny little bastard. I take my arm rest dammit.

I had a couple of stupid human acts that I achieved today. These acts also helped me to realize A: Don't shoot bottle rockets out of your hand and B: Don't dive into the shallow end of a pool. I went outside to do some fireworks and the first thing I did was light a bottle rocket. Now, my sister failed to inform me that these have a delayed fuse on them. I thought that it was a dud so a pulled it closer to my shirt to see if it was out. All the sudden sparks just shoot out of it, catching my shirt on fire briefly. I'm just glad it didn't get to my chest hair, or else I would've went up in a flaming ball of retardation in no time. Then I miscalculated my dive into my pool. I dive into shallow water all the time, thats why I didn't understand. I dove into the pool and smashed my nose on the bottom of it. I'm a tough guy and I can honestly say that it hurt like a mother. Back to more emoism, my brother had some friends come over tonight to swim. I was out there of course. Sean, Matt, and Craig all had their girlfriends in the pool with them. This made me feel like absolute crap. I did feel better when Matt's grilfriend Kat was actually trying to be around me though and hang out. I have known her since 6th grade. She was hugging me and stuff, and hanging off of me. This was uncomfortable considering the fact that her boyfriend was not 10 feet away watching this. So I just kind of got out of the pool and made my way to the hammock to, low and behold, think. The more and more I think, the more I want to just express my feelings. I have tried though, and its no use, thats why I just keep my feelings to myself. Well, thats all for tonight kids. I'm done speaking my mind about loneliness and grief. Who knows maybe if you took the time to change your heart and look around, it would astound you. One final thought, everyone has to be something to somebody to be anybody, anybody that tries to be everything to everybody is nothing to anybody. Ruminate on that and wonder...is the person so right for me so close that I can't even see them...or do they choose not to see me?

Friday, June 24, 2005

What A Beautiful Face I Have Found In This Place

I'm going to go ahead and pull a Dan and say that I am currently listening to the album 'In The Aeroplane Over The Sea' by Neutral Milk Hotel. This album was released about 7 years ago, at a time when I wouldn’t have bothered listening to it if I didn’t know everyone else was too. Face it, that’s just how things were in middle school. Something like a year and a half ago, a fellow by the name of Mitch burned me this CD and told me to listen to it. And I did, about halfway through, on the way home from his house. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but there was something about it I didn’t really like. I didn’t think the music was very good, I didn’t think the vocals were very well trained, and I couldn’t really understand what the singer was singing about. It all kind of jumbled together, and didn’t really make a lot of sense to me. So I put it on the back burner for a while. I kept it in my car, but never really gave it a second listen. And then one day I did. I don’t remember why, maybe I didn’t have anything else to listen to, maybe I was just in the mood for something different. Whatever it was that made me put this CD back in the player, I’m glad it did. Upon further listening, this is possibly one of the most beautiful albums I’ve ever heard. The sloppy guitars and the strained vocals suddenly turned into a beautiful melody, and the lyrics went from mindless babbling to a coherent story. The story of Anne Frank, it turns out. A year and a half after my first listen, seven years after its release, I make it a point to listen to this album at least once a week. It’s probably one of my most played albums, and it’s one I could hardly stand the first time I heard it. With that said, lets get on with life.

I was talking to ChelC yesterday over the computer, technology these days, and we both decided we were pretty bored. This was at about 1/4 to midnight. I for one try not to comprehend the existance of time. I understand it in the sense that everyone has to go through the cycle of life, but when it comes to the numbers I just don't care. I can't think of anyone else who would be up for going to Steak N' Shake at midnight besides ChelC and Dan. I didn't want to call his house that late at night, so I just went ahead and went to go pick up ChelC. At first we had no idea where we were going. We just had to get out of our respective houses and do something. I drove around and killed some gas for a little bit until I decided to make a huge circle and just stop at Steak N' Shake. We sat and just had some time to talk and get to know eachothers insights on things. I can honestly say that as small and uneventful all this may sound, it was a hell of a time for me. I have never actually gone out to a restaurant at midnight and stayed there until 4 in the morning. It was amazing. I think that was the most coffee I have ever drank in one sitting. I usually have the bladder of a bullmoose, but man did I have to go. Anyway, we sat and had an eventfully chatty night. For some reason we ended up going to Nick's Patio not long after that. We weren't there for nearly as long. We sat and had some more coffee and ChelC ordered some pancakes. I wanted to get a copy of the newspaper so I could see what is going on around this hell hole. I was too lazy to drive down to the gas station to get a copy, so I gave ChelC my keys to go and grab one for me. As small a favor as it was, it was very sweet of her. I was not surprised at all to find out that there is absolutely nothing worth while going on in the Michiana area. I should have known that there wasn't anything going on, but I had an urge to get the paper anyway. You know that there is nothing going on in your town when the top story is how a 10 year old boy got his bike stolen by a local bully. This is shit that happens everyday, I mean give me a break, out of all the times this has happened why all of the sudden is it top page news? We don't exactly live in Pleasantville, U.S.A. You don't see me taking a shit and then running to the presses to tell them how much of a relief it was. I'm just sayin. I had ChelC home a little around 6ish sometime. Once again, I don't care about time so I just guessed. I really had no urge to go home, at this point there was no purpose in falling asleep. I end up going to some random little diner in Niles. It was one of those diners that just has a bar for eating. I end up sitting next to this elderly looking man. I mean why not, they usually have a good story. Anyways...we engaged in a pretty weird conversation - which I can imagine you can figure out by the fact that I'm posting a blog about it instead of being in the "real world". I sat at the bar for a little while next to this WWII veteran. It was all interesting, until I realized he's still living in 1943, and the dates and the places change, but the stories remain the same..."I met this girl in a polka dotted dress in Memphis, and banged her until her privates matched my Navy blues"...."I met this girl in a striped dress in Germany, and banged her until her privates matched the Nazi blues"...yadda yadda yadda. I excused myself to the restroom and didn't return. Now, had he actually taken the time to discuss how he later dismembered them and served 20 years in the stockade for his crime, it would have at least been interesting. But there are only so many things you can discuss with a 200-year old man with a bum leg....and I wasn't about to sit there and listen to him anymore. So instead - here I am. Talking with you. Because you stay nice and quiet and listen to me without interrupting. I appreciate that.

Theresa called me today to give her, Taylor, and Amanda a ride to Mancino's. Apparently they thought it would be a good idea to walk there from Taylor's house. I'm not gonna lie, that is the most retarded idea ever. I've done my fair share of walking, I walked home from school that one time, but not in 90 degree weather. Las Vegas doesn't count either, that place is in the middle of an F-ing desert. We're just in the middle of a humidified shit hole. Anyway, being the nice guy that I am I give them a ride and hang out with them for a while. It was a pretty good time, I got to hear of Taylor's appearance in a Hawthorne Heights music video. That would be pretty cool though, least I think it would. It was nice, I haven't hung out with Theresa for a while and it was a really nice feeling. She looks good, I miss her.

Dan and myself made an adventurous trip up to Lake Michigan yesterday to go hang with Wood at his beach house. I have to say that it was amazing. The view of the beach they had was beautiful, especially when the sun began to set. It was just so calm and relaxed. I really didn't have a care in the world when I was on that beach. I just lost myself and enjoyed bein with my muchachos. That and the fact that we had fun with lighter fluid. It was a beautiful escape from life though.

I went to Ian's after lunch and just hung out with him and Ryan. We sat up in the loft and watched Formula 51 starring Samuel "Mother Fuckin'" Jackson. I love that movie. It was like a reptile house up in the loft though. I have experienced hot in Indiana, but up there is nuts. I don't know how Ian can sit up there and take it. We went outside and started up the hookah. Ian and Ryan both crapped out on me leaving me to finish the bowl by myself. That sucked in the best way possible. Whitney came over a little later and we all just sat around and had a good time as usual. We talked about this shindig of mine tomorrow, aptly dubbed "The Horwarth", and who all is coming. If it were up to me, anyone could come. Tell your friends to bring friends, that sort of deal. I don't want to be responsible for that many people though, so we'll just keep it V.I.P.

In my downtime, I have figured out some things to do when you are bored. I just compiled a little list.

1: Call an addiction hot line, and tell them you are hooked on phonics.

2: Go to the airport wearing a suit of armor, and try walking through the metal detector.

3: Wash out a gas can, punch a hole in it, then fill it with water and carry it down a busy lunch-hour sidewalk while smoking a really huge cigar.

4: Call the Q-Tips 800 number and say that one of the cotton swab parts just came off in your ear. When they try to talk to you, just keep shouting, "What? What? What did you say?"

5: Fill an inflatable love doll with a small amount of helium. Just enough to make it float. Release it at rush hour on a windy day. Chase it down the street, yelling "Come back, you filthy little tramp!"

6: Call National Acme Company. Ask if they have any products you could use to kill a roadrunner.

Thats all I have for you kiddies tonight, its been fun and I'm sur you've listen to me rant long enough. I very well could have put some more Emo-ish stuff in here, but I decided against it. I think the title speaks for itself.

And to George: Sorry about your Hot Hot Houston burns

And to ChelC: Age doesn't affect how wonderful a person you are

And to Ian: Quit playing with fire

And to Dan: Just a pinch of Trent Yeoman

And to everyone else: Use protection...I mean peace, love, and a toothy smile.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

An Ocean Soul

Born from silence, silence full of it
A perfect concert my best friend
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart had a home

Sing what you can`t say
Forget what you can`t play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
My love letter to nobody

Never sigh for better world
It`s already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

Wrote for the eclipse, wrote for the virgin
Died for the beauty the one in the garden
Created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
Failed in becoming a god

Never sigh...

If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker`s cry, the one without tears
For I`ve given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother`s lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life

Teach me passion for I fear it`s gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I`m sorry
Time will tell this bitter farewell
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore...

A lonely soul... An ocean soul...

Mad World: Donnie Darko In My Mind

I watched Donnie Darko today for the 14th time. I have to say that everytime I have seen this movie it wants to make me cry more and more. The message behind it is just so powerful. Unless you have seen the movie, don't even bother to read this. I have thought about it so much, this is going to be a long entry on how Donnie Darko plays out in my mind. If you get lost I apologize, I have a complex mind. If you have seen the movie, please read this to the end. You will appreciate the movie for what it is so much more. Here we go...

Donald Darko, or Donnie, is an emotionally troubled boy in any event; however, in the timeline we see, someone is playing games with his mind, trying to bring about an outcome that is worse for him than his fate. There is an original timeline which is if not exactly happy considerably less disturbing than the one in the movie. From the ending of the movie, we can see that there is another timeline that is also less disturbing than the one we see; in fact, we resolve the story to four timelines, the last being labeled GH, but this one, the AB timeline, worth reconstructing.

In this timeline, nothing and no one comes from the future. This is an essential element of the time travel theory on this site: there must be an original history which leads up to the point of departure of any time traveler (including an inanimate one such as a jet engine) before it can depart, and it cannot arrive within the past of that timeline until, in terms of its own sequential existence, it has had the opportunity to depart. Thus in the AB timeline, Donnie Darko is asleep in bed, hears no voice, and faces no disaster. The jet engine does not arrive.

Frank does not exist in this history either--that is, the guy in the warped rabbit suit who pushes him to do all kinds of strange things, the first of which is to come out of his room to the golf course. That also means Donnie doesn't do any of the terrible things we see in the film. He is seeing a psychiatrist, Dr. Lillian Thurmond, and he did once burn down an empty house, and he certainly has emotional problems for which he is taking medication, but in the film Frank tells him to vandalize the school and to burn down the house of motivational speaker Jim Cunningham. Without Frank, he doesn't do these things.

It's also worth noting that it was because of the flooding of the school that they had the emergency PTA meeting; and that it was at the emergency PTA meeting that gym teacher and dance coach Kitty Farmer accused English teacher Karen Pomeroy of teaching pornography in the form of a Graeme Greene short story, The Destructors, a story in which children vandalize a house by breaking a water main and then burn down another house. It is from this incident that Karen Pomeroy is fired roughly one week later; thus, since the school was not vandalized and the meeting not held, there was no reason to fire Miss Pomeroy. She continues to teach.

However, she does not write cellar door on the blackboard before she leaves, so Donnie does not see it there.

She does introduce Donnie to Gretchen Ross, and their romance won't be too much different than seen, but that he won't abandon her in the theatre to go burn down that house, because Frank's not there to goad him into it.

That also means that the child pornography ring is not uncovered, Cunningham is not discredited, and Kitty Farmer is not required to appear in court to assist his defense. Thus Mrs. Farmer will fly with the girls to be on Star Search, and not Donnie's mother Rose. His little sister Samantha will be on that plane, though, when it comes back.

Now it starts to get difficult. Because Donnie's mother Rose is not on the plane, she's in the house; and that means that when older sister Elizabeth gets accepted to Harvard they don't have the big party. They probably do have a family celebration of sorts, but not the costume party we see; and certainly Frank is not invited. Remember, Frank is a real person, apparently a friend of Elizabeth, who wears a sick rabbit costume to the party. Now there's no party.

This does not impact Gretchen and her mom; Gretchen's mom still vanishes, Gretchen calls the police, she's told to go somewhere safe, so she goes to Donnie's house, where certainly Mom Darko would let her stay (although whatever happened in that upstairs bedroom won't have happened, and there won't be a phone call telling them that the dance team is on its way home).

Yet we now have a problem. Tomorrow morning near quarter of seven that plane is going to hit that disturbance, and it's going to break up. One engine from it is going to be thrown back through time twenty eight days, and crash into Donnie's room. If he's there, he's dead. The only reason for him not to be there is if Frank lures him out of the room; but Frank can only do this if he's been shot by Donnie already in the future. So somehow, in the AB timeline, Donnie has to be where Frank is, and has to shoot Frank. How does this happen?

As crazy as it sounds, there is a way to get there offered by the film. You have to believe in destiny, or something like that, but it's there.

At some point, while watching football with his father, Donnie starts to see these blurry watery images extending from people's chests telling him where they are about to go. He also sees one coming from his chest, showing him where he is about to go. Later he again sees these at the party; by now he's probably mentioned them to his psychiatrist, and is wondering what they are. There is no party; but then, he might well see that image extending from his chest, or from Gretchens, or possibly from both.

Donnie has not given a thought to time travel, and has not seen nor read the book by Roberta Sparrow, better known in the film and the neighborhood as Grandma Death; he has no reason to think to go there. However, if this blurry image is destiny and he follows it, he could well wind up at the same place, with the girl, and encounter the burglars. In the timeline shown in the film, when someone, who turns out to be Gretchen, is approaching him, he puts his face inside the end of the destiny, and sees and hears things within it that he finds disturbing; if indeed there are fragments within that destiny, they might inspire him to leave the house with Gretchen, to see where it is leading. The other two friends are not here at all this time, because there was no party so they were not at the house. The fight progresses, the girl is thrown onto the ground, and the car, swerving to avoid good old Grandma Death, runs over the helpless girl.

This would be a most incredible coincidence, perhaps. After all, we've just suggested that even though there is no party at Darko's house, Frank is still out wearing that rabbit costume and driving the same road. However, it's not so unlikely as all that. Frank strikes us as a party guy. One of the reasons Elizabeth and Donnie thought they could get away with the party was that the town is on the tail end of a four-day "Halloween Festival" at the Middlesex Pavilion Mall. People are wearing costumes and wandering around as it is. Somewhere there's going to be another party, and Frank is going to be at it, and he's going to go for beer. That he's on the same road is not so unusual, since it seems to be out in the boondocks and thus must be the road to somewhere else; if he was headed that way when there was a party at Darko's, there's every reason to think that's where he goes for the beer. The only remarkable coincidence is that he's at that spot at near enough the same time to run over Gretchen. Accept that part, and the rest is rather predictable.

Would Donnie have shot him? Note that he has the gun not because Frank told him to get it but because he followed that destiny thing he could see. He has not been through as much trouble over the past month, no burnt house, no crashed jet engine, no vandalized school; but perhaps because of this he's a lot closer to Gretchen, and a lot more upset about this. Even without Frank's toying with him, he's got emotional problems. He shoots Frank in the eye, and kills him.

The Frank who appears to Donnie in the movie is a ghost--a supernatural being, the spirit of a man who died an unexpectedly violent death. The ghost has taken advantage of the portal to travel back in time to a moment just before the arrival of the jet engine, and has chosen to do so in order to ruin the life of the person who killed him. He might even be thinking that if he does it right, Donnie Darko will be incarcerated before the shooting, and he won't be dead.

This timeline isn't quite over. Although Donnie's mother is home, his sister Samantha is on that plane. Donnie probably runs, probably with the body of the dead Gretchen, probably in the family car. His sister is on the plane; the plane hits the vortex, and part of it--plus the Ghost of Frank--travels back four weeks. The police never catch Donnie, because history has just been altered, and there is no future for this timeline.

The timing of events is not terribly clear despite regular updates on the screen. There are a couple points at which it doesn't quite match, but these are minor.

In particular, it appears that Donnie is in his bed at midnight at the beginning of October 2, 1988, and that a voice lures him out on a long walk to the golf course. We could debate whether it's necessarily the case that the jet engine didn't hit the house until after Donnie was asleep on the golf course; what is clear is that he was far enough from it that he didn't hear it happen. Thus it was after midnight. At that moment, Frank tells him that the world ends in twenty-eight days, six hours, forty-two minutes, and twelve seconds.

Twenty-eight days later, the clock strikes midnight and we are told that it is October 30, and that there's only six hours to go. Even if we assume it was only a ten minute walk to the golf course, that's closer to seven hours. Yet it is a minor point, and accuracy is not a critical factor in this story.

Someone might observe, and correctly, that Donnie doesn't see the strange images that I have chosen to call "destiny" (for lack of a clearer word) until after he has possession of the book in which such images are described. It's certainly possible that he has already read about those images prior to seeing them; it is equally possible that he has not.

Why does this matter? If we assume that he cannot see destinies until after he reads about them in the book, then in the AB timeline he could not have seen them. The sequence of events in the CD timeline (still to come in our analysis, but represented in the film) is that Frank mentions time travel, Donnie asks an unnamed teacher about it, the teacher gives him the book, then he sees destinies. If reading the book is necessary to seeing destinies, then he can't see them in the AB timeline, and he can't have the gun or go to meet Frank.

Yet whether or not he had already read about them in the CD timeline does not have to be relevant. He sees them. His teacher has also read the book, presumably, and, also presumably, does not see destinies. Apparently some people see them. In talking to Dr. Thurman, Donnie tells her that he sees these destinies, and has read about them in the book, perhaps implying that after he saw them he read about them. If so, then the fact that they're discussed in the book is not the cause of him seeing them, and he might well have seen them in the AB timeline, and followed them.

The film shows us the events of the CD timeline. As it begins, a jet engine has just traveled back through time and is headed for Donnie Darko's bedroom. If it hits while he's in there, he's dead. It would be a simple N-jump in that case, as he has nothing to do with the time travel event, so in twenty-eight days the plane will again hit the portal and lose an engine to his bedroom.

Frank interferes. Being a ghost, he is able to move more quickly than physical objects. He lures Donnie out of that room and to the golf course far from it in enough time that Donnie is unaware of the crash on his room until the next day. It's unclear whether he's sleepwalking or following the voice exactly, but either way the ghost saves his life.

He is cognizant of the fact that the ghost saved his life. Under hypnosis he later tells his psychiatrist that he has to do what Frank says because Frank saved his life. Frank has nothing but malice for him, and saved him solely to destroy him.

It is in this timeline that all of the events of the movie occur. Donnie vandalizes his school and burns down Cunningham's house. The child pornography ring is uncovered, and Rose Darko has to be on the plane with her daughter. They have the party, and the time travel book is in Donnie's hands, pointing him to Grandma Death when he's trying to figure out what happens. Again he shoots Frank, and carries the body of the dead Gretchen back to the house, escaping in the car.

At this point, he realizes something of what has happened. He tells Frank's companion to tell everyone it's going to be O.K. Perhaps he knows that Frank saved his life to make it worse; he certainly knows that a lot of grief came to a lot of people, including himself, because he was not in his room when that jet engine hit it. He decides that it would have been better for everyone, and particularly for Gretchen, if he had died in that bedroom. Thus he somehow takes advantage of the vortex to change history. He sends himself back to the past, or he sends his decision back to the past. Whatever he sends, he persuades himself not to leave that bedroom. This creates the EF timeline.

Normally if you intentionally and successfully change the past, you create an infinity loop, because you now are not in a position to do so. However, in this case it appears Donnie Darko may have successfully done it without such a problem.

Remember that in the first history, the AB timeline, there was no jet engine and no Frank, and so Donnie was never in any danger, and he didn't act terribly crazy--but he did kill Frank. That meant that in the CD timeline Frank was around to push him into all the terrible things he hadn't done the first time, but he still killed Frank. We were very close to an N-jump with a very sad ending when Donnie used the same time travel event to carry his thoughts and intentions back to himself in the past. Those thoughts must have been to ignore the phantom voice and stay in bed. Now he dies in his bed.

Because he dies in his bed, doesn't that mean now that he can't send his intents back to himself, instructing himself to stay in bed? Yes, it does mean that; but now it's not necessary. In this timeline, Gretchen never meets Donnie; she sits next to some other cute boy in Karen Pomeroy's English class. Donnie doesn't vandalize the school or burn down the house, because he's already dead. There will be muted celebration of Elizabeth's acceptance at Harvard, and Samantha will travel to be on Star Search. Rose will stay home, undoubtedly upset over the loss of her son and not needed to chaperone the girls since Kitty Farmer doesn't have to be at Jim Cunningham's kiddie porn arraignment. Donnie will not take the gun from the closet, and will not shoot Frank. Thus Frank is not a ghost; and not being a ghost, he can't take advantage of that portal to go back and play with Donnie. Further he has no reason to do so.

Thus, at the beginning of the EF timeline, Donnie Darko hears the voice of Frank the Rabbit, but he also feels his own desire, conveyed to him from the future, to ignore it. He stays in that bed, laughing with the knowledge that the death he's about to meet is better than the misery of the month he would otherwise live, and dies; and in so doing he undoes both the rabbit and the desires. Both of them having been undone, we must take it once more, to the GH timeline.

In the GH timeline, Donnie Darko is in bed. No rabbit appears because at the end of the EF timeline Frank was not killed. No impression to stay where he is comes, but it doesn't matter because there's no reason for him to move. The airplane engine sails from the future to crash into his bedroom, and he dies.

Because he is dead, the rest of this timeline plays out as the EF timeline did. In the end, Frank is again not shot, Gretchen Ross is not hit by a car, Karen Pomeroy does not lose her job, Rose Darko is not on the plane, and Jim Cunningham's pornography ring is not exposed. Well, that, and that the that Samantha Darko is still killed in the plane crash.

The fourth timeline is stable; all causes and effects exist in a single history. It is not the history we see in the movie; it is the history in which Donnie Darko is killed by a freak accident when the jet engine hits his bedroom while he sleeps. Time continues.

Frank said that it would be the end of the world; it was not the end of the world. It was some sort of temporal vortex or portal. It isn't the end of the world for Frank, who now is not shot. Donnie's sister Samantha is killed, and the other members of the Sparkle Dancers, along with that crazy gym teacher Kitty Farmer and others on the airplane, but airplane accidents do happen. Time has not ended; the world may continue, even for Frank. Was Frank lying? Let's say he was confused by what had happened. Since he used the portal to travel to the past, he can't know what happened after the plane crash. Never having seen such an event before, he guessed it to be the end of the world. We'll note that he was mistaken about that, even though we don't fully understand the portal itself.

Some will be disappointed. In order for this film to work, we had to introduce two concepts that are clearly supernatural in some sense: destiny and ghosts. I'll take a moment to defend these, not as realities, but as necessary components of the solution to the movie. That is, if you don't accept them, the movie is impossible; but if you do, the timeline can be unraveled as presented above.

It is clear that Donnie sees those odd ripples of where people are going before he has any reason to expect them. He has not spoken about time travel to the teacher, and so does not have the book. Frank has not told him anything about these things. He sees them. Now, if they are madness, that's what they are; but they do seem to be presented as working, as showing where someone is going. The problem with dumping this point is that there does not appear to be any other way to get Donnie to the scene of the crime. If he does not shoot Frank within a few hours before the crash, he dies, and the movie doesn't happen. Thus there must be a reason why he is there, and why he shoots Frank, and this is the most plausible. The alternative is an even more incredible coincidence of some sort.

As to the ghost, it's readily apparent that the wound revealed by Frank in the movie theatre is the wound inflicted on him by the gunshot after the accident that killed Gretchen. It is also apparent that the gunshot was fatal. Frank can't be doing this as a living person. There's no reason to think that the Frank who is alive twenty-eight days before the accident has the power or the knowledge to do the things he does, let alone the motive. Only the Frank Donnie shot has either the motive or the ability to do this; and only that Frank is stuck for all eternity in that stupid bunny suit, if theories about ghosts are correct. This has to be the Frank Donnie killed, and therefore he is a ghost from the future.

Now, I don't particularly believe or disbelieve in either ghosts or destiny. I'd say that ghosts strike me as the more plausible of the two, but both are doubtful enough and difficult enough to prove that it's foolish to pursue argument on the subject. Don't think I'm arguing for the existence of either. I'm only claiming that they are necessary for this movie to work as a time travel story.

Now I'm going to stop because I've probably lost most of you and my brain hurts like a mother fucker. Thats what I do in my spare time...thinking is dangerous. Don't think like I do.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Below The Tamaracks He Is Crying

As i touch the fountain’s blood,
The numbness of my heart flows through my fingers,
Feeling nothing but comfort in all of the pain,
I try to rationalize my emotions but am overcome by contentment,
I see the water,
I feel the hurt,
And as my hand becomes one with what gives life,
I know what I am,
What I am to become,
And what my purpose is,
And yet - I am as blank and clear-minded as a heaven-sent child,
Tears may flow from my eyes,
But come from my soul,
Words may come from this pen,
But are from my heart,
To understand person is to know yourself,
And pain is the only teacher

XXX

Clarity falls to my side,
As if it were dead,
Killed by emotion and drown in sorrow,
Life seems to have failed me,
For nothing is as it should be,
And everythig soon turns into nothing,
What sets me apart?
A clear conscience is only for the innocent,
And fools are exempt,so by default

XXX

I look around me as the life around me glistens in the new baptism,
Smelling of all that I love and call home,
I sit here,
On this man-made bench, like a tombstone on a grave,
Watching,
Learning,
And standing for something,
Many may not see me,
But those who do, see my message,
And once known shall never be forgotten

Monday, June 20, 2005

A Murder On My Watch

Last night, a dear old friend was murdered while I was watching my aunt's house. It was a cruel and agonizing death, and entirely undeserved. My friend always had a soft spot for strangers and loved ones alike. He never complained, never drank anyone's beer, never asked for anything. If you were ever sad and needed someone to hug, he was always there at the ready. If you were tired and just wanted someone warm to rest your head on, he was there - always warm...always fuzzy...always yellow. Yes, my friends...the murder victim was none other than....Duckie the Duck. Duckie was larger than your average duck, measuring about 3 feet in length, and he lived in the house for over 6 years. Then this happened.


Somebody had massacred poor Duckie. They had literally dragged the stuffing out of him through a small hole just under his friendly, orange bill. Then the stuffing had been strewn viciously across the loft in a homicidal frenzy - leaving Duckie with a nearly empty head, face up, looking like the victim of a cruel pillow fight with stuffed animals. Worst of all...it happened on my watch...while I was one room away...

After questioning a number of suspects, running numerous DNA analyses, and performing a thorough autopsy while checking for defensive wounds, I solved this grisly crime and suddenly knew who this maniac was. It was one of my aunt's own. It was none other than the one previously known as "The Kleenex-Eating Devil Dog".

Only proving that much like the stepping stone drug, marijuana - the consumption of toilet related paper, only leads to more serious crimes. Why, oh why Devil Dog? Why couldn't you have stopped at the point where you were chewing up Christmas bows and Celene Dion CD's? "Tonight? No bones for you!" (Said in the voice of the Soup Nazi).

Whitey, CAC, and $300 of Awesome

Once again, not much goin on in the world of Booch. Today was Father's Day, and a really uneventful one at that. Don't get me wrong, I know Father's Day is suppose to be about how much you love your father and you grandfathers and yadda yadda yadda. I'm sorry, but I really just don't seem to appreciate Father's Day right now. It could be because I'm not a father, maybe one day one I have curly haired little chillins of my own runnin around I'll appreciate it more. Right now I'm just not into the whole concept. That didn't stop me from getting things to my dad and grandpa though. I got the old man one of those Mr. Clean powerwash things. I plan on using that more than he will, so that was more like a gift from me to myself. Hey its the thought that counts right? My grandpa is a HUGE collector of Beanie Babies. As queer as it may sound, hes an old man and he gets joy out of those things. Anyway, I went on eBay a while back and found him some older ones he didn't have that are ungodly expensive. I'm not going to say how much I spent on 3 beanie babies because I know for a fact that someone will slap me. Anyway, he was overjoyed. 2 years ago we got him a dog for Father's Day. He always kept saying how much he wanted a pet ever since my grandma passed away. I can understand that, living alone for 10 years would get to me too. So, we got him a little mutt of a puppy. As it turns out he didn't want the puppy because it was a little too hyper and it wasn't house broken. The puppies name was Whitey, he was a cute little guy. Its a shame that my grandpa didn't want him. 2 years later I don't think he regrets the decision of not taking it. Everyday he comes over to our house and he gets trampled by Cozmo. As a joke I put a bow on Cozmo and told my grandpa Happy Father's Day you crazy old bastard. He got a good laugh out of it and said hell no, you tried this 2 years ago and it didn't work. Story in close, he still doesn't want Whitey...we officially changed his name to Cozmo the day after Father's Day in '03. Whitey just would make him an outcast with black dogs in the neighborhood.

I got my car back on Saturday, that was exciting. Apparently some little gizmobob thing in the computer had a shit fit and thats why my car died so abruptly. It was some sort of module, a part no bigger than the palm of my hand. Its awesome to have my wheels back though. $300 worth of awesome. I swear if I have to put anymore money into the Olds I'm going to shit myself. I have spent at least 5 times that cars worth in order to repair it. That is ridiculous. I can't even begin to list all of the crap that I've had to do to it. I am starting to save up for a new ride though, I've had some good times in the Olds. Running over mailboxes, backing into Patterson's Volvo, makin out, *sigh* man good times...good times.

A young guy came to my house the other day, no one was home. Man, doesn't that sound like the opening to a gay porno? Anyway, I figured he was doing some door to door crap because A: I saw no car and B: He had a clipboard. I go outside just to tell him that I don't want any and to piss off. I start talkin to the guy and he comments on my Weezer T-shirt. Took me off guard, I mean who in the hell does door to door stuff and the first thing he does is says "Hey you like Weezer?". I said yea and we get into a conversation about music. He asked me what I was listening to these days. I told him that I listen to mainly Indie stuff and that straight rock is cool with me too. I told him of my adventure to Chicago to go see Ted Leo and he actually knew who Ted Leo was. At first I thought he was just bullshitting me, to get me to buy shit. As it turns out he went out to say how great of an album Tyranny of Distance is. I agreed with him. Then he sedgewayed into how he went to a Ben Folds concert a while back, the same Ben Folds concert I was suppose to go to. At his point, this guy is pretty cool. He finally tells me why hes at my door and what he stands for. As it turns out he was a representative for the Citizens Action Coalition. He gave me his little speech on how Indiana is using way too much energy and is causing pollution and what not. He started to say how Indiana needs sustainable energy and how it would cut back on ratepayers around $700 million. Basically what this means is they are trying to get an act passed that will shut down nuclear power plants and will introduce renewable solar and wind technology. This will also have to bring around the deployment of fuel cell technology in Indiana. I thought about it for a minute. The house down the street from me had a solar panel on their roof a couple of years back, I clearly recall their house caught on fire because of it. Maybe technology has stepped up since then but I don't know. I'm really on the fence about the whole situation. Now if it was about oil and gas prices, then thats a whole different story. I guess that coal has the same issue in a way, but I just can't see Indiana as being a energy efficient state. I mean hell, the United States period. We will never be energy efficient at the rate we're going. He was a cool guy and we talked about music for about 45 min. I gave him $10 just because he knew his Ted Leo and his Ben Folds. If him and his CAC buddies can get the program in motion, more power to them. Energy efficient power that is.

Thats all thats been goin on so far. The past couple of days have left me thinkin to myself. I have a feeling that I need to be doing something with my life. I don't know if its because I don't have a 9 to 5 job, I'm single, I live in Indiana, I don't know what it is. I just feel like I could be doing something with my life rather than sitting here and doing the same thing everyday. I feel like a freakin Lemming. I don't want my destiny to jump off the cliff with my unbrella like the rest if the Lemmings. I want to be the one that makes it out the door and into the next stage. Sorry for the lame video game reference, but it made sense to me. Maybe I should start a band, roam the country, maybe even become an entreprenuer. Who knows...for now I'm stuck here, trying to find a laday, a job, and a hobby. Its not as bad as it seems...I mean I've got my health *cough* *cough*. Till next time kiddies, take a shower everyday, brush those pearly whites, and don't talk to strangers (especially ones named Trent Yeoman).

Friday, June 17, 2005

I Will Bare Knuckle Box Cancer

BRING IT ON!!! I WILL BARE KNUCKLE BOX CANCER IN A CAGE OF FIRE THATS IS SURROUNDED BY MAN EATING BEARS!!! Don't be alarmed anyone, I don't have cancer so don't get the wrong impression of this. This is just one of the many tangents that Dan went on about his immense hatred for Trent Yeoman. I could call him Mr. Yeoman, but why should I hes not my teacher anymore...nor will he ever be again. I think we may have finallt found an inside joke that can never be killed by anyone who steals it, i.e.: your mom, your face, and thats what she said. Count it.

So the past couple of days have been pretty uneventful for me. Haven't really done much, then again how much can one do when they don't have any means of transportation. Thursday Ryan came over for a little bit. I wanted to go to Best Buy, but his ass ended up playing a pirate game I had on my computer for roughly 4 hours. How can you play a video game for that long? I don't understand. For about an hour I just went and layed in the hammock, pondering life and its great mysteries. Then before I started to actually think about them I stopped myself, wouldn't want my head to explode or anything. Thats a bitch to clean up. So I just focused my thoughts onto my life and what I can do to make it better. I keep looking at it and it is the same as usual. 1: Girlfriend 2: New Job 3: Erm...Profit? yea we'll go with that, that sounds promising. I tried to think of one of those crazy get rich schemes, but I figured if I did that only bad things would happen. Sure I might make a lot of money, but I could also risk getting arrested, getting mobbed, or getting an STD. Those aren't fun. Sure it would make for good stories, but is that really worth a 24/7 mild rash on your crotch? Hmmmm.

Eventually Ryan and I did go to Best Buy and we bought some CDs. I bought some artists that I have never heard of before in my life. Armor for Sleep and Shout Out Louds. I have to say that I am very into both of these albums. I pride myself on finding random music that no one has ever heard of before in their lives. This way when someone asks who I'm listening to, and they like it, I can open their eyes to a brand new experience. Ryan attempted to do the same thing, he bought the Kaiser Chiefs and some band called Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers. I have heard of the Kaiser Chiefs before, but that other band was something short of crap. All the songs sounded exactly the same to me, I don't know what it was, I just wasn't feeling the cereal guys. They should stick to Special K.

My hair is starting to get long and curly. I've seen pictures of me as a baby when it was that way, and I got to thinking, if girls thought I was cute as a baby what if I tried to look that way today. Its the most retarded idea ever, but what have I got to lose? Plus, now when I wear a bandana or a beanie my hair frills out of the back all crazy like. I always wanted my hair to do that for some reason. Along with longer hair, I also haven't gotten a tattoo or my ear pierced yet. I can do the ear, but I want to wait for the tattoo. You can't swim for 30 days after getting a tattoo done, and I need the pool like Trent Yeoman needs some Right Guard. That man pits out like a mother.

After our excavation at Best Buy, we went to go play pool with Dan, Matt, John, Whitney, and Brian. It was a good time as usual, I was pulling off some freakin insane shots. I don't understand how I work at billiards. One minute I suck major ass and the next I can drain 3 balls with one shot (thats what she said). It was your average night of pool playing and such. Dan, Ryan, and I went back to Ryan's to play a rousing game of Monopoly and listen to Ted Leo. I don't know what it was, but I just wasn't feelin the Monopoly game that we had goin on. Usually we do a pretty good job at not getting bored, but man did I get bored. I just said that I was tired of playing and they agreed. It worked out for the best. Before I left, I stole about 20 of Ryan's CDs and 10 of Dan's to rip onto my computer so I could burn them. I stayed up all night ripping and burning music. That was fun. My label maker ran out of labels so I went to go shop around for some refills. I went to 7 places, and not a single place had the kind I needed. I just said screw it and forked over $13 to buy a new label maker. It works like a charm, and I actually know where to get cartridges for this one.

I haven't talked to some of my closest friends in a while, in a face to face conversation. I haven't talked to Whitney, Chelsea, or Theresa. That makes me kind of sad. I should call all of them tonight and see what they are up to. I also need to get a car so I can go roam coffee houses and what not so I can meet a laday that has my type of personality. I apologize again for going back into the whole love life, but I have to say it to something. I just want to find someone who likes me for who I am and is willing to at least give me a chance. Thats all I ask. I want a hand to hold, a friend to hug, and a love to kiss. Is that so much? Another thing, why do guys always have to ask a girl out? We all know that guys are retards and wont take a risk with women. Maybe I'm speaking for myself, but I've seen girls ask guys out in movies, so why can't it happen in reality? I've always been the one that had to tell a girl how I feel about her, never once has a girl come up to my face and said "I care about you a lot/you mean so much to me/I like you more than a friend/I think I love you" Its seemed to have happened to a lot of people I know, did my turn get skipped or something. I feel like I'm at one of those diners where you have to take a number for your meal. The only people in there are you and 1 other guy. He is #3. I have the #792. They call off every number twice until they get to #792. Kinda like that. But what can you do? Peace, love, and a toothy smile.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Hey Ted Leo!!/Where Is The Love?

Alright, I just got home from one of the most fucking incredible nights I've had in a while. Dan, Johnny C, and myself went to Chicago to go see Ted Leo and The Pharmacists in concert. In Johnny C's words, it was sick. It blew the Interpol concert I went to in March straight out of the water. Not a lot of people know who Ted Leo is, but e sure as hell do. He is a madman when it comes to playing the guitar and singing. Let me start from when we left town. Dan and I went to John's house around 1:30ish. We had to print off directions to get to the auditorium they were performing at. We started our trip at about 1:45. We just talked the whole way up about music and what not. It made for really good conversations. While doing this, I sat in the back most of the time and played Twisted Metal on John's PSP. What else was I suppose to do? We finally get into Chicago and find the venue. We got there at around 3:30-4. Tickets didn't go on sale until 7 so we had some time to kill. We went to this pizza place not too far from the concert. We got some pizza and chilled there until about 5:30. We gone done eating and headed to a thrift store that was across the street. They had some sweet ass suit jackets, but none of them fit me. I was pissed, damn me for being fat. I don't really think I'm fat, I'm a big guy, I'm like a freakin bear. Anyway we were in there until around 6:20ish so we decided to go ahead and get in line. I guess John and Dan both really had to take a shit so we stopped in a little diner that was next door to the venue. I'm sitting there and I see a guy out the window that looks extremely familiar. Low and behold it was the drummer for Ted Leo. I guess earlier that day we were making fun of some guy for how high and tight his pants were, turns out that was Ted Leo's bass player. As we're sitting there, Ted Leo himself actually comes out and is getting stuff out of his van and talking to some fans. Its pretty cool to know that we were 20 feet away from a celebrity, hes not very well known, but 4 albums makes you a celebrity in my book. That was pretty sweet. 7 rolls around and we go inside to buy our tickets. Nothing happened for an hour because the show didn't start until 8, so we just kind of stood around. There were 2 opening bands, the first was Aloha. This band had me at first, but as they kept going they just didn't appeal to me too much. They were running around on stage like a bunch of retards. They were switching instruments and what not, it was just horrid. The next band the came on was called The Oranges Band, these guys were awesome. They all looked like they were a bunch of frat brothers in college and they just never grew up. They all looked like they were middle aged, but they played and acted like they were 20. Good for them. They were a real boost after that Aloha crap. Around 9:40 Ted Leo came on. He knows how to work a crowd with a mic, that and the fact that he can play like a god. About halfway through the show there was this drunk guy that made his way up stage and kept trying to get Ted Leo's attention, he just kept screaming "Hey Ted Leo!!". You could tell that Ted was trying to ignore the guy but he just couldn't. The guy distracted him from playing like 3 times. Then he started doing it again, I was so close to yelling at the top of my lungs "Hey guy, shut the fuck up and let him play!!". He stopped eventually. Then as an encore he play "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen, that was pretty narly(yea I said it). After the show we decided to go ahead and just drive to Michigan City so we can go to White Castle. That was an experience all in itself. As I mentioned before, this late at night/early in the morning we start getting a little crazy. We started talking about our old math teacher Trent Yeoman, Dan just started ripping on him like no tomorrow. We were laughing our asses off for the whole trip home. I can't even explain it...*sigh* excellent times. That was that and here I am. If that was good, I can't wait until Lollapalooza and the Warped Tour. I think my head is going to explode.

In other news, my car broke down yesterday. I was kind of sad. I don't know whats wrong with it, all I know is that my dad is pissed about it and that I have no wheels. Somehow its my fault that the car just went ahead and quit working while I was driving. I mean hell what if I would've gotten into an accident? I don't know why hes pissed at me, like I had anything to do with it just going to shit. He can be an asshole sometimes. Kinda worried about my car, I need wheels.

One last thing I have to note, my brother came to talk to me at 2 in the morning yesterday which was really weird. Melissa broke up with him last night. Yesterday was their 1 year and 4 month anniversary. That is shit to me. He was a wreck...still is. I feel really bad for him too, I know how he feels though and I am really gald he came to me. It may sound weird, but my brother and I usually stay out of each others love lives. He really needed to talk to someone though. All of his friends are immature and don't really understand what its like to be in love and then have your heart broken. They all just go out with a girl for the sake of saying they have one/to make out with someone/and what not. But Sean's not like that, he's like me. He wants someone who he can have a steady long lasting relationship with. Melissa basically told him that she wants to see what else is out there and that she doesn't know whether she likes him as a friend or a boy friend. At this point my brother asked me if I know what he meant, then I told him what I am going through. We sat in the hammock and just talked for a bit. He was already crying and then I started to cry, I gave him a big hug and just told him that I was there for him and that I understand everything he is going through...cause I've been there too many times myself. Then he did something that I didn't see coming, he said I love you. Never in the 18 years that I have been on this Earth can I recall my brother ever saying I love you with such a feeling of sincereness. I told him I loved him too and he went on his way. I haven't seen him since, being in Chicago and all. I hope hes alright. Apparently Theresa got back into town today, I should call her and see how her trip went. Everything in the past 2 days has just made me realize how much I love people, I love my friends, my brother, I just need to show love more often. I'm taking it for granted...so ask yourself are you?

Monday, June 13, 2005

Blade Blossom And Billows

Whats goin on homees and homesses? I think I'm finally calming down from this rollercoaster of emotion that I've been on here as of late. I'm still on it though, I've already been through the horrifying drops, dips, and turns. I'm going to stop there because this is a really bad analogy for me, I mean I love rollercoasters. It hasn't been as much of a rollercoaster as it has been a well lets call it a break up hows that? Anyway, I'm slowly succumbing to the fact that she called it quits for my own good. Don't get me wrong though, I'm a stubborn person and it takes me a while to give up. For now though, I will remain just a friend to Theresa. If it goes back to how it was, fantastic, if not...can't have too many friends right?

So a lot has gone down in the past couple of days that I haven't gotten a chance to talk about. I think Friday is a good place to start, seeing as thats where I left off. I was totally pumped Friday for Dan and Johnny C's show at Sufficient Grounds. I left from Ryan's house to go pick up Whit and ChelC. The four of us made our way to the event of the night. I have to say that I did not expect to see that many people there, I was surprised. It was an awesome turn out for The "I" In Team. It was pretty nice when we got there. I went up and bought a round of Jones for Ian, Ryan, and myself, my treat. In generous form, Ian bought the 2nd round and Ryan the 3rd. I totally didn't see that to happen. I thought I was just going to buy the drinks and that would be the end of it. That was the best unexpected thing that happened to me. Anyway, the show opened up with Nat doing his thing. He wasn't that bad, I just wish he would've actually sang closer to the mic so we could hear his lyrics better. I was enjoying that, just waiting for what I came for. Dan on John did a kick ass job, though they did only play half of the songs they actually had planned. I don't know what happened. Then Johnny C. wrote a beautiful song called "Trapeze Swinger", which in my opinion he totally ruined by doing it Shatner style. I felt kind of bad because the more and more the show went on, the more and more people left. The true friends and fans stayed through it all. Johnny C dedicated "Cannonball" to Jen Whitney, to show her how much he cares about her and how much she means to him. That boy is in love. Dan dedicated "Julie Do You Want To Go Bowling" to Lea. Now, I don't know how Dan feels about Leah but I think he should go after her. Try it out. They get along awesome and they just have chemistry together. It has potential in my eyes. Sarah actually showed up to the show too. John and I shared eye contact and knew exactly what eachother were thinking. I could notice out of the corner of my eye just silence between Dan and Sarah. I felt for my friend, that has to hurt like hell. He played "Why Good Kids Turn Emo", she up and left. I know for a fact that killed Dan. He got over it though and played for his fans. After that happened Dan just said to hell with the plan and started taking requests. He played " Everlong" for Ian (which I was in the bathroom for the beginning. The bathroom was directly behind the set so I just waited until the song was over to come out, just to be courteous) "Champagne Supernova" for me, "Wasted and Ready" for Ryan, and then what the hell does he do...he plays "Hands Down". Its no secret, as soon as he started playing it everyone looked at me and smirked. Thats because everyone knows how much I despise Chris Carraba. I hate him. Dan also played "Freebird", submitting to Ian's request. Everyone knows "Freebird". I also made my singing debut during "Breakfast At Tiffany's", that was fun stuff. That was pretty much the show, it was a good one.

After the show, I took Ryan, Whit, and ChelC to Nick's Patio. We just ate and chat and had a good time. I really have a good time when I go out with ChelC, and I have a really good time when I go out with Whitney. They were both there, that was just mind blowing. I didn't know what to think of it. I was blown away by the company of 2 gorgeous ladays and one of my best friends. Not that Whit and ChelC aren't some of my best friends, cause they are. You know what I'm trying to say. It was a good night overall. Ryan only had a debit card so I just went ahead and bought his meal for him. I took everyone home and called it a night.

I woke up Saturday and went to Matt's graduation party later in the afternoon. That was also an unforgetable time. I dominated in Badmitton as I always do, until I played Dale. I think he cheated...either that or I'm a sore loser. I felt kind of bad though, because most of the time I was with Lauren, Doug, Dale, Jessica, Courtney, and Whitney. When I should've been out with Matt, congratulating him. Oh well. We decided that we were going to go to Courtney's house for a while to swim and hit the hot tub. Whitney went to go hang with Steve, so she didn't come. I raced Doug to his Jeep, and in the process I stubbed my pinky toe. Now I didn't even notice, I was just kind of thinking oww. *ADVISORY* I look down and there is a hunk of my toe hanging off of my foot. I just kind of ripped it off and grossed Doug out. It hurts like hell, I want my toe to grow back. *END ADVISORY* We went swimming and just hung out. I really wish ChelC would've been with us. Doug, Lauren, and I went back to her house for the end of the party. I really didn't want to be around Matt, because I think he acts like an ass when hes around the PNN guys. So I just stayed with Doug and Lauren. They started talking about Karl and how he is having problems. I guess he wasn't really sympathetic for Alix when they broke up, but now Karl regrets doing it. He really cares about her. Now I barely know Karl, but somehow that story just made me think about Theresa and what I feel for her. I quietly started crying. Lauren heard me, she started to rub my head. She didn't even have to say anything, she was just letting me know that I was going to be ok. Doug heard me crying and he was shocked. I heard him whisper "Is Brandon crying?" The next thing I know hes over giving me a huge hug. You know I really really wasn't fond of Doug at all. He can be very annoying at times, but after listening to me and being there I have to take him into a new light. Don't get me wrong, he is still annoying and tries a little to hard to please everyone. I just appreciate him for who he is though. Doug means well, and he's proven that to me. I ended up staying the night at the Patterson house. I woke up in the morning, had some doughnuts and went home.

I got my hammock delivered on Saturday, you know the one I ordered like a month ago that was on back order. I ordered that hammock because Theresa said how cool it would be to have one in her room. So I was like hmmmm, I'll do that for my room. She got all excited and said she would be over like everyday just hangin out in the hammock...*sigh* I totally forgot it was even coming. Surprise. So Sunday, my bro and I spent a couple of hours building a hammock stand to set up out in the yard. I have to say that this blisters on my fingers are totally worth it. The thing we build is a work of art. Sean and I also had a good time laughing at our dad. He was trying to give us orders like we have never built anything before. He always has a reason to bitch. Now theres a hammock in my yard that I have a hard time looking at, let alone laying in it.

Around 6 I went to Ian's Grad party. It was really lame at first, because all of the church going parents were there and we couldn't really have fun. To kill the time, I just ate some White Castle and swam for a bit. Around 7:30 all the parents were gone and Ian could whip out the hookah. I love that thing. We just sat around in a giant circle and hookahed up the whole night. It was a circle of roughly20 people. Thats the best circle Ian has had to date. Dan played some songs while we all listened to the rain and enjoyed the night. It just made me realize how much I appreciate some of the people I don't see a lot as friends. Especially Scott, Scotty and I go way back to Taekwondo days. I really need to hang out with that boy more often. I was also wickedly pissed that I missed Shoup's party. I wanted to go so bad. I need to chill with Dave before he leaves for the summer. That way for future reference I will have sweet connections with the FBI >_>...<_<...>_>. I love shifty eyes.

Michael Jackson was acquitted of all 10 counts of child molestation today. I for one am wickedly pissed. I swear he is guilty of at least one of those charges. I mean look at the guy!!! He is a noseless white woman, of course he loves little boys. The sick ass. I have always had a hatred for Michael Jackson, he is just a weird ass disturbed individual. Why did he ever have plastic surgery to begin with, what in God's name was he thinking? He is hideous. He used to be a good looking talented black man. He turned himself into a monster, and now he is free to just moon walk right out of the court house and right into another boys pants. What a sick fuck. I hope he gets caught eventually.

It's hard to believe but it's been three years since Coldplay released "A Rush of Blood to the Head". Now they are back with their third record "X&Y". All of Coldplay's releases share one thing in common; they take some time getting into. When I first listened to "Parachutes" in the fall of 2000 I was not impressed. After a week it was the only thing I listened to for a six months. When "A Rush of Blood to the Head" came out it also took a few weeks for it to grow on me. The same thing applies to "X&Y". Starting off with the opening track "Square One" it is apparent that the record is a little more sonically dense than the band's previous efforts. While "X&Y" is a far cry from being experimental it's just enough of a change to make the new songs fresh. "What if" starts off as a slow piano song that finally builds up to a crescendo that exemplifies the transformation of Coldplay's sound. "Fix You", "White Shadows", "Low", and "Twisted Logic" are instantly fan favorites. The hidden track "Til Kingdom Comes" was written for the late great Johnny Cash who passed away before he could record the song. It is a shame Cash did not get a chance to record it, but it makes a fitting and positive end to the album. "X&Y" was a long time in coming but it was worth every bit of the wait. I also heard the leak on MTV and these songs translate geniously when performed live. As one of the most eagerly anticipated albums of the year Coldplay does not disappoint with "X&Y". Thank Dan for turning me on to the music reviews.

Thats about all thats goin on in the world of Booch as of late. OH!!! I was sick of looking like I'm 35, I think thats why I have a hard time getting/maintaining a girlfriend. I decided to take a razor blade to my face. Not in the Emo sense, I mean I shaved. I left myself a sole patch and I have to say that I don't even look like the same freakin person. I was freakin out, I actually look like I am 18...or 20 something. I like the newly born me. I'm feelin great and I look like a whole new man. I can't wait to see what people say. The only person who has seen me is Whitney, we went running today and she totally freaked out. She said I looked cute, we'll see if anyone else thinks the same. Goodnight everyone, take care of yourselves.