I Am Lost

Once in upon an eternity, I met an innocent beautiful girl who I thought was an angel sent from above. As I temp my eyes upon her I felt one of Cupid’s arrows slashing through my heart. Then in pain, I finally gazed my eyes upon her. Her heavenly beauty struck my eyes. Her soft touch cured my pains. Her innocent mind stole my heart. Her sweet voice manipulated my feelings. Her silent smile grabbed my body. Her sentimental eyes temp my emotions. Her everything...captured my soul. I would have never dreamed of meeting this innocent beauty from above, but yet, she looked at me with her sentimental eyes and her innocent temptations claimed me as hers. I am lost…Even though we were just friends, I realize that I needed her more than anything else. I wished to see her beautiful face everyday. I wished to talk to her every hour. I wished to laugh with her every afternoon. I wished to dance with her on top of the moon. I wished to hear her sweet innocent voice every night. I wished to cry with her in every fight. I wished to hold her tight until the first light of the sun was at sight. I wished to kiss her sweet innocent lips while she sleeps. I wished…to fall in love with her. But for these wishes, I doomed myself with this oblivious feeling that I had never felt before. I am lost…For what is this feeling that I have for her? For this feeling that I have for her, I wished I would not have. This feeling is beyond my understandings, comprehension, and capabilities. I do not understand its complexity and the overwhelming powers it has over me. Is this what they call…love or is this just an uncontrollable feeling that has yet again, replenished in my soul? Is this the feeling that drives a man insane or is this the feeling that controls a man’s sanity? Is this the feeling that can save you from harms way or is this the feeling that can harm you inside and out? What is this feeling that I have for her? I am lost…As I talked to her, I told her my emotions. I told her my feelings. I told her my thoughts. I told her my lies. I told her my truth. I told her that I would protect her. What else can I tell her? What else can I do to satisfy this hunger that I had for her? I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t care what I was doing. I’ve tried to make her happy. I wished all my wishes. I’ve tried my best. I’ve followed my heart and finally, I believed...that I was in love. But yet again, I am lost…As she disappears from my life day by day, I searched for her in the eternities and I found her past, I found her presents, I found her lies, I found her truths, I found her thoughts, I found her confessions…and finally, I found her soul. And yet, I believed that I was in love. How stupid of me to think that if I loved an innocent angel like her, she would love me back; for I was just a loser who tried to be cool, for I was just a loner who explored the eternities. I was just another guy who was in searched for an adventure. I was just a mortal being who loved an immortal. I was just…a friend who dreamed of being her lover. And yet, I wanted more and still, I am lost…As time flew by, I got to know her better and I thought about her consistently. Then suddenly on a cloudy day, a day that seem so much like a dream or a day that seem like it can crumble a person’s soul, I saw her grasping onto another guy’s shoulders while her lips melted away onto his. My feelings for her demolished, my body ached with pain, my emotion raged with anger, my eyes burned with the flames of jealousy, my heart shattered into the dust of time and I can do nothing but watch from the bottomless pits of Hell while my body froze in pain and my mind exploded with rage.“How can an angel break my heart?” I said pitifully and painfully while picking up the pieces of my broken heart.She probably has a boyfriend. She probably has the same feelings that I have for her, but for someone else. She probably loved someone else. She probably… loves someone else. She probably wished that I would just leave her alone in the endless dark eternities where I found her sweet innocent soul. If so, can she ever forgive me for talking to her when she needed a friend? Can she ever forgive me for the thousands and thousands of roses that I sent her when I tried to steal her sweet innocent soul? Can she ever forgive me for protecting her when her life was at danger? Can she ever forgive me for not being there when she needed me the most? Can she ever forgive me for caring for her when no one else was there to care for her? Can she ever forgive me for… loving her? For that, I am lost…I guess now, you’ve heard this foolish story of my friendship, feelings, passions, emotions, insanity, and so-called love that I had upon her. I may be a fool. I may be a loser. I may be a foe. But remember this; I’ll always understand her when no one else seems to understand her. I’ll always protect her when it seems like the whole world is against her. I’ll always be her knight in shinning armor to protect and save her from any dangers. I’ll always shield her from any harm and danger that comes her way. I’ll always be there for her when no one else is there for her. I’ll always care for her when her heart is at agony. I’ll always pleasure her with every soft touch and unimaginable wonders that I can offer her. I’ll always be her friend no matter what. I’ll always…remember her as the one I loved. And while I dream again in the dark endless eternities in search of true love, in the back of my mind I know that “love is only a state of mind and not always what you think or expect it to be, while true love exists only in one’s mind and sanity while reality is inevitable.” At last…I am found.