Steaks, Stogies, And A Horwarth

Ahhhhh...Its been a good week. Just sittin here listening to music and looking back. Friday was a very good way to start off the weekend. I went over to Matt's house to work on a movie he's filming. This is the first movie of his that I have actually been in, truth be known I'm kind of anxious to see what the final product looks like. He's going to submit it into some film festival thing for school. Thats pretty cool. Maybe we'll all be discovered and become famous. No? Just a thought. We got done with that and headed over to Hacienda for some mexican delight. While we were waiting to be seated, we went to Fun FX. I found these awesome pink heart shaped sunglasses. There's this long running joke that Scott started, that I look like Elton John. Just because of the gap between my teeth. So, I put these on to be funny and complete the look. It was very ironic because Elton John came on over the radio in Fun FX and there was some girls singing Tiny Dancer at Hacienda...maybe its a sign, of what I couldn't say. After that we just went to Matt's house and chilled in his garage. It was a Steak and Stogies Eve. We promptly named it "The Horwarth". It was myself, Dan, Matt, Ian, George, Ryan, Lauren, Chelsea, Whitney, Suzie, and Doug. It was a night of relaxation and cigars. Phil even came out and had a cigar...he's so cool. Ended up going home at around midnight.

Saturday I had to go to work and do dishes. If theres anything I hat more than mayonnaise its doing dishes at Le Peep. All the servers just throw their shite down where ever they please. They don't put it in any sort of order, they leave huge hunks of crap on the dishes, they shove napkins and crap into cups and just leave them there. Point in case is...they are all lazy bastards. I went out to see George, Dan, and Ryan. They came to work to bother me. I had a chat with them and who do I see. I see one certain Shoup. I laughed, he's awesome. He asked the new guy Zach to cover for him, and then he shows up to get some breakfast. I wish I would've done that. Speaking of the new guy, he sucks ass. He's lazier than crap, he complains about everything, and to top it off he's a douche. Just a plain douche. It was a good day though. I went to my aunt's house to help her move some furniture. I was only there for about a half hour and she gave me $20. I was like WTF?! I didn't even do anything. I didn't want the money. I feel bad when people give me money when I'd be more than happy to help for free. But, she insisted. I went with Ryan to Goodwill afterwards only to find out that they close at 6 on Saturday. We got there at 6:45. We went to Fun FX instead. Remember those sunglasses I spoke of...I bought them. We preceeded to the Dill's for Steak and Stogie's. It was a good time, I brought my bass and some pork chops. George did an excellent job as master grillman. Katie didn't have any meat to cook, so I gave her one of my chops. It was a good time. It was really gay that I had to be home at 9:30. My parents wanted me home because I was out late the night before. I wasn't going to disobey my mom though. Saturday came to a close.

Side note: Speaking of my mom, she was finally diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I had a feeling that thats what the problem once all a long. She is feeling better though. My family and I have to learn how to give her a shot to treat the symptoms. She has to have one 3 times a week. Poor mom. A lot of it is stress triggered too. I just wish she would learn to relax a little and not worry so much about things. Its just something we're all going to have to cope with and get used to. She's a lot better than she was though.

Today I didn't do much. I didn't have to work which was amazing. I still got up at 6 though. Thats how it is though, bed at 3 up at 6. Its a bitch. I read a book today, wrote some music, and I went to Red's Pawn Shop. I found an awesome acoustic bass for $300, I almost bought it. I've really been getting into a more musical feeling lately, I don' know why. I just love music. But, now here I am updating and killing time. I read Dan's blog and noticed how he just talks with Sarah and hangs out with her until like 2 in the morning. That is truly awesome. He's lucky, I wish I had something like that...it must be nice. Now, I must shove off and do some homework. Till next time I bid you all a good night and the sweetest of dreams.

Éireann Go Brách

Seeing as its St. Patricks Day I thought it would be fun to make all this stuff green...I mean hey why not? I always wondered why it was such a big fiasco to go out and get piss drunk on St. Patrick's Day? I mean whats the point? You don't get anything for it besides a massive hangover the next day. I guess it is fun for people to do though. I mean we've all seen some sort of incident where some guy goes out, gets drunk, and makes a complete ass out of himself. Those guys are usually pretty fun to witness. Personally I think one person who enjoys this holiday is Mr. Riordan. Anyone who reads this and has Peter as their economics teacher, you know what I'm talking about. I mean he's only like 27 and there's just a look about him. You can tell he was one of those uys in college who just went out and got plastered as often as he could. Now that he's a teacher though he's limited to only 5 out of the 7 days. As we speak he's probably chillin at Corby's playing darts or singing songs. Drinking's only fun until someone gets a dart in the head. 99% of the time the person that threw the dart is the one to get hit with it.

I made an awesome discovery today. I went to the vending machines during lunch to go get some Reese's and I put in my change to find that there was already 75 cents in the machine. I was like sweet. So, I got the Reese's and noticed that the 75 cents didn't go away. Out of curiousity I pushed the change return button, and sure enough I got 75 cents. Out of curiousity I put the change back in. I got some cookies, 75 cents is still registered, got some chips. Hit the change return button. I went and told all my friends, we pretty much hosed that machine for all we wanted. It all costed 75 cents. That machine is my new best friend.

I was in the writing center yesterday playing pocket tanks when I saw Ms. Nicolini get a piece of pie from the back room. I'm pretty sure I wasn't obligated to have any, I took a piece when no one was looking. It was apple pie. I didn't care I'm a senior dammit I should have rights to a little pie.

A couple nights ago George, Ian, and myself went over to Dan's house to just to jam and hang out. We were going to go kidnap Scotty and do something for his birthday, but Ben beat us to him and took him to Deja Vou. I don't think I'd ever go there. I have too much class to be caught in a strip club. We did have his dad help us take his hub caps though. We gave them back to him the next day at lunch in 4 pizza boxes. It was pretty funny. Speaking of the Dill's I pretty hyped for Steak And Stogie night Saturday. Its going to be awesome. I'm going to bring the most beautiful cuts of meat man's ever witnessed.

Interpol/Random Thoughts: Revisited

Went to the Interpol concert last night, and I have to say it was fucking awesome. We left after school to go to Dan's house to grab the tickets and directions. Then we made our grand journey to the windy city. On the way there we stopped by Hardee's. I didn't know how good of an idea this was, cause if I remembered correctly the Hardee's that used to be here in Granger got shut down for health reasons. But, I ate there anyway and it wasn't that bad. I'm just going to skip straight to the concert. It started with the opening band, Q And Not U. They were the coolest opening act I have ever seen. It was three guys. They all did vocals, one of them played drums, one played guitar and bass, and the other played guitar and keyboard. They were freakin great. I especially enjoyed the part where he starting ripping on George W. Bush. I didn't like it because of that, I liked it because it would piss Dan and George off. They were extremely energetic and rockin though. I'm gonna go grab one of their albums. Then there was about a 45 minute setup period before Interpol finally came out. The fans went ape shit. They played all the songs I wanted to hear. I sang my ass off on Slow Hands, Evil, and PDA. Everyone was groovin to the pure awesomeness radiating from the stage. OH!! I forgot to mention that George and Tracy got there early so we got front row baby. It was F-ing badass. The best part was when Sam Fogarino, the drummer, looked straight at us and threw his drumsticks. George caught one and Tracy caught the other. Those lucky bastards. It was so sweet. They came out for an encore and that was the concert. I have to say it was the best one I've been to so far. I've got two more coming up that I'm going to. I'm going to see The Killers in May and Dave Matthews Band in June. I'm pumped. Afterwards we went to a pizza place for some Chicago style deep dish deliciousness. It was by far the best night I've had in a while. We got back to Granger at about 4:30 in the morning. I haven't slept yet...

I was going through my archives and I ran across my random thoughts. I have to say I laughed pretty hard at some of them. For your viewing pleasure I gathered them all and put them right here for a little revisitation. Hope you all find them as entertaining and interesting as I do. So I'll turn up the bright lights and let 'em loose:

It doesn’t trouble me that the US is such a fat nation. But if we could get the rest of the world to start eating a cheeseburger or two, we could fatten them up. Then wouldn’t it be fun to make fun of those fat asses!!!

I think people that don’t like hot dogs are obviously very troubled and should not be allowed to eat mustard on anything

I remember waiting for my mom to pick me up from the movies when I was a kid and thinking to myself, if I new she was going to be this late, I would have seen a later movie. But what the hell would I have done until the movie started? I wasn’t a very smart kid.

I wish I could have met the guy who coined the WORD "fart." I’ll bet he had a few more up his sleeve. You know he had a few that were even better.

If I was a cat, and someone threw me off the roof to see if I would land on my feet, I would flip twice and land on my back. Just to piss them off.

Being in a band is fun. But I’ll bet being in a band of pirates was fun at times as well. While I’m on the subject; Isn’t "Walking the plank" a lot like walking off the diving board at the pool, only without all of the chlorine you get up your nose.

When people misspell my name, it doesn’t really make me mad. But if I had the chance I would pee in their milk shake. Not because I meant to, because I don’t know how to make a milk shake.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but they will watch you play ball with yourself for hours while you are trying.

I buy myself something nice for Christmas every year whether I have been good or not. Once I bought myself a pellet gun as an early gift. Then I sat outside and waited to pop a cap in Santa when he showed up. He’s a chicken shit!!!

Whoever said that drinking and driving don’t mix wasn’t entirely correct. They actually mix, just not very well.Unless you are looking to drive into a wall and not remember it the next day; then they mix just fine.

I wish I had started playing the guitar instead of with myself when I was a kid. Maybe then I would be a better player and I would still have both testicles.

The whole idea of trading beads for a look at a girl’s breast is somewhat intriguing. It seems like both the flasher and the one being flashed get the short end of the stick. If both went into a strip club, the guy could see boobs for free and the girl could walk with like $700 a night instead of 75 strings of beads that will hang from a coat rack and remind her that she should never drink vodka again.

I think ice cream was doing just fine before someone started putting candy and cookies into it. Now it is like the crack cocaine of dessert food. I am so addicted and I blame Ben and Jerry. Those sons-a-bitches. PHISH FOOD is delicious.

Just to set the record straight. I never said I didn’t like "fish." I said "Phish." I’ll bet I would like both a lot better if I smoked pot. Since I don’t, I am sticking with tuna.

My parents don’t remember the same things about my childhood that I do. Usually when they say, "remember this," or "remember that," I always say "no." Then I say, "remember how mad you guys got when I peed in the chimney and pierced my ear on the same day?" And they say "no." I wonder if I was raised by imposters while my actual parents vacationed in the tropics. Maybe my folks stopped in for a day or two every once in a while; just to make sure the imposters were doing a good job. They really had me and my brother fooled. I wonder what the imposters are doing in retirement. I really miss them.

I wonder why no stick figures are overweight?

I was so glad when I found out that masturbation is normal. I thought I was going to be the only kid with hairy palms. That didn’t really worry me. I don’t want to offend the hairy-palmed people of the world. You look fine. It looks really good on you. What does it feel like to pet a dog?

I have forgotten just about everything I learned in school except for the Pledge Of Allegiance. And now they are changing that. 13 years with nothing to show for it. It WAS a great place to meet chicks though.

By the time I was big enough to fight back against my older brother, he was old enough to be arrested for assault if he hit me. Torn, I took my beating like a man. But, I stopped letting him fart in my face when I was 13.

I don’t see anything wrong with going out with a girl because her mom is attractive. But, if her dad kicks your ass, don’t blame me.

Is it me or did TV used to really suck. And why is it that I didn’t think Melissa Joan Hart was hot when I was a kid; and now when I see her on TV its better than porn.

You know, no one is born a menace to society. That shit takes work.

The Statue Of Liberty looks a lot smaller in person. TV really does add a few pounds.

Whoever had the idea to milk cows was probably some pervert. I mean, what was his motivation. "Those calves may be onto something. Martha, hold Bessie still. I’m gonna give it a try." That’s just bad. I’m glad milk comes in bottles now. That’s a long way to bend down, and I’ll bet it stinks under a cow.

Is the guy who shot John Lennon still alive? Let’s go cut that guys balls off.

OK, I admit it. I actually like Huey Lewis and The News. Sue me!!

I don’t really pay much attention to politics. I would register to vote in a heartbeat though if they gave away free cup cakes for a year to everyone that registered. Cup cakes are delicious.

I think the new M&M color sucks. Why did we need another color anyway? They all taste the same, and it just doesn’t look right in a bowl when you add pastels. I went to the M&M store in Las Vegas and they had gray ones. Some little kid barfed all over the M&M display. Everybody just looked around disgusted. So, I got the hell out of there and moved onto the Coca Cola store. I did see gray M&Ms though.

I can only come up with a few flaws in the design of the human body, but, the biggest problem is that we have nowhere to put a ball point pen. If we just had a little pouch, just under the shoulder to keep it we would always have something to write with.

There was this kid I knew when I was growing up. He could turn his eyelids inside out, fart on demand, burp most of the alphabet, and he once dented a locker with his forehead. I wonder if he ever found an outlet for his many talents. He was good.

I once changed a grade on my report card from school with a typewriter so I wouldn’t get in trouble and miss a movie I really wanted to see. I wish I could have seen the future, because I really would have rather been grounded that see the movie after all. It was a piece of shit, and I still have a mark against me for the lie.

The stupidest things I ever did in my life: Once my brother took the blame for dropping a jar of jelly onto a cake my mother had made for a party, when, after all, it was me that ruined the cake. My mom was pretty bent out of shape, but I thought my brother to be such a hero. 10 minutes later, my brother pissed me off and to get even with him, I went and admitted that I had ruined my mothers prized dessert. It took me a few days to realize what a dumb ass I was, but I eventually figured it out and swore to always blame everything on someone else, whenever I get the chance.

If money did grow on trees, I would have been a Lumber Jack…for about a week and a half.

I once broke a promise to myself and have never gotten over it. I just can’t trust me with anything anymore. Not even with the smallest things. This is some serious resentment I have built up towards myself, but it does help to talk about it.

I wonder why pizza is so fucking delicious?

Do you think that the late Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead is still is grateful that he is dead, or do you think he sold out?

Man, I’ll bet Santa Clause gets sick of cookies…I hope that dude is not Lactose intolerant…I always set out a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer…Fat guys gotta have their energy…Last time he came to my house, he ended up past out on the couch watching re runs of Everybody Loves Raymond…Half the kids in my hometown didn’t get presents until the next day, and I think he may have been a bit hung over, because I hear he waited in the sleigh and let the elves take the shit down the chimney…And one of my friends swears he saw him puking down someone’s attic vent.

Speaking of Lactose Intolerant…When did this whole thing come about…When I was a kid, if milk made your stomach hurt, you drank something else…I never heard of Ice Cream making someone fart…I don’t get it…Eat your fucking Oreos and shut up…If you don’t like cheese, pass it down…Oranges give me bumps on my tongue, so I DON’T eat oranges…What a concept…I am Citrus Intolerant…Where are my pills…I have to have an orange in an hour…

I don’t smoke pot…But I sometimes hang around people who do…They always have great snack ideas, and if you are low on cash, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal…If all of your friends are stoned, just start talking about cheese pizza, or graham crackers with peanut butter…You’ll be well on your way to snack heaven in no time at all!!! Don’t forget, they all love dessert as well!!!

I like watching stoned people on Thanksgiving or at a big buffet…If they could move faster, you know they would fight…

Ham Vs Bacon
In America, there is a definite distinction between "Bacon" and "Ham"…The confusing thing happens when you order pizza…"Canadian Bacon", as a topping, means you want "Ham" on your pizza…However, in Canada, "bacon" is "bacon", and "ham is ham", and there is not really an item called "Canadian bacon" unless you are referring to bacon from a Canadian pig…Bring in the UK…A "Bacon" sandwich is a "ham sandwich", and things that have "bacon" on them come with "ham"…For Example, if you order "bacon" on a cheeseburger, you get a slice or two of "ham": unless you are at an American fast food chain, where, of course, "bacon" is "bacon". I am not even sure they make "bacon" in the UK, which is fine with me, because I don’t like "bacon" but I like "ham"…This means in the UK, I like "bacon"...I knew a guy in school named Al Bacon…Kevin Bacon was in Footloose…Jack Ham played linebacker for the great Pittsburgh Steelers of the late 70’s. And I played soccer (football) against Mia Hamm when I was growing up, and she is a big star now…Can someone please help me with this?

Side note: I don’t like bacon or sausage, but I like ham…I like sausage if it is in stuff, like Queso or on a biscuit…I also really like white meat pork, or most pork in Chinese Food or Barbecue…I don’t like Miss Piggy, but the Three little Pigs are OK…Porky the Pig is an Asshole, but that Wilber from "Charlotte’s Web" was "SOME PIG."

I hate being on an airplane and going through a lot of turbulence…I have started dealing with it by pretending I am on a boat, at the lake…Sometimes I even look back and give the water skier the finger…If the flight attendants were in bikinis, and the cabin smelled like sun tan lotion, I would be tempted to pee over the star board side of this puppy while its moving.

Speaking of airplanes…How many people wish they would just have a plane set up somewhere at the airport so we could practice sliding down the big yellow inflatable slide…You put a kiddie pool at the end of that thing, and you have an entire afternoon of fun…AND we are all going to have experience if we ever really need the thing. Remember to take your shoes off. You don’t want to ruin the fun for everyone.

Question for all of the guys out there…Does anyone else go through periods where when you are done going pee-pee, you put yourself up, and a little squirt of pee decides it wants to make a daring escape and places a little wet dot on the front of your pants…I hate when this happens…If it is really bad, you have to put a little extra water on so people will think the sink was just really strong…And when you return to your group you have to announce, "Man, watch out for the sink…It is a soaker." I am in a dry spell right now, but a year ago, it was really bad…And I don’t wear underpants, so basically I was going down my leg…Really uncomfortable on a cold day.

If I owned a cruise ship, I would give free cruises to hot chicks who liked to sun bathe topless…I think this would really help bring in the business…I wouldn’t even have to advertise…I would just need to cruise around some places that had big crowds a few times and then word of mouth would get me the business…The girls could make extra cash by having tip jars and talking smack to all of the dudes…Who thinks I am a GENIOUS?

The other day, I went to the dentist…It is good to take care of your teeth…they are your greatest asset…Without them, eating is a pain, and opening packages requires other tools…Beside, without teeth, how would you bite the shit out of someone who had you in a head lock…While I am on the subject: Your mouth is not a bottle opener…Stop opening beers with your teeth...

I just discovered about a month ago that I like tomatoes…This really sucks, when I think of all of the tomatoes I have picked off and thrown away over the years…It got me thinking…What else is out there that I have been missing by being such a picky eater…I have decided to pay the tomato back by launching a love for tomatoes campaign…The Slogan…"Love Tomatoes…Fuck Mushrooms".

I am not going to lie to you…I have looked at Internet porn, and magazines will never be the same again.

If I were a king I would retire after a few years and relax…It just seems like royalty can be so darn stressful; what with all the polo, and jubilees and what not…I just don’t see how they keep up.

Once I was walking under a tree and it dropped an apple on my head…I was sure the motherfucker did it on purpose, so I kicked the tree and broke my big toe…I was afraid of word getting out that I had my ass kicked by an apple tree, so I chopped it down and set it on fire…I am not sure, but I think my reputation spread among the others in the tree community, because I have yet to be hit in the head by falling fruit since.

I want to be Captain of a ship for a day…I don’t wish to sail anywhere, I just want to wear the outfit and make dudes swab the deck…that shit looks hard…I would also make people call me Captain, since that is what I would be…My friends would get really confused and try to call me Brandon, but I wouldn’t answer them…They would get really annoyed and call me Captain Asshole or something, so I would kick them off the boat…People would learn to respect me if I was Captain…Then the next day I wouldn’t be Captain anymore…I would be Brandon…I could apologize to my friends for kicking them off the boat and we could all walk by the boat again so I could call the new guy Captain Asshole…I just want to see this thing from both sides.

You know that Mr. T guy…what the hell is his freakin problem?

I like television commercials…I really do…I think it is nice that people spend so much time and money to make their products attractive to we the TV viewing audience…I would like to have my own commercial…I would advertise myself as a really nice guy, but I would have a skinnier guy play me in the ad so as to make me more attractive to the anti fat guy community…You see, that can’t be considered false advertising, because I would print the words, "actual Horwarth may differ slightly from the Horwarth you see on the screen." I think I would be a good seller…The stores would have lines to pick up the new Horwarth…I would be the item to have on the Christmas list, and kids would ask Santa Claus for a Horwarth…The only problem is, there is only one actual Horwarth, so I am immediately out of print and collectable…My God, whomever ends up with me is going to make a fortune on E-bay…I should sell myself…I guess I need the commercial first though…I do like commercials.

I have been thinking a lot about growing up, and all of the relationships and broken hearts we go through…I always wonder how many times I said "I love you" to someone and knew I didn’t mean it…It makes me think about all of the people that have said they love me and didn’t mean it as well, and I get really pissed off, because I hate when people lie…I mean, if they were lying to get in my pants, that is one thing, but just for the sake of dragging this heart through the mud…I don’t think anyone has ever used me for my body, and that really, really hurts…It really does…I want to be a booty call…Isn’t that what we all want out of life; to be someone’s "go to" sex slave…I forgot what I was talking about…Oh yeah, Love…Love sucks.

If I didn’t have a cell phone, I would never talk to half the people in my life again, and I am not sure that would be a bad thing…Come on people…Write a fucking letter once in a while…I am going to get a tumor if this phone keeps ringing...wait a minute I don't have a cell phone. Nevermind then.

When I think of all of the friends I have in my life, I have to thank beer…I really can’t stand a lot of them, but when they bring over a 12 pack, it is really nice to see them.

Why do I run the air conditioner in my car in the winter? Because I can.

You should always ask someone if it is OK to pet their dog when you pass by…if they say "no," kick the living shit out of the dog and run like crazy. Just kidding. Flip the person off and tell them you are more of a ferret person anyway, and the dog looks like it needs to be put down from lack of love in its life…They will let you pet it then.

I have decided to stop buying Birthday presents for everyone except my parents…I still expect gifts from those around me that have always bought me things, I just really don’t think I will be Birthday shopping anymore…

Alright, for crying out loud, if you have ugly feet, put on some freakin shoes already!!

I still don’t understand why Donuts have holes in them…I have had it explained to me several times, I just don’t get it…And how in the hell do they get pudding in those damn things…And why are they so bad for you…And why are they so delicious…Man, I hate Donuts…I really hate them…I’ll still eat them, but I plan to enjoy them much less now than in the past…They have really pissed me off now…God Damn the Donuts…Damn them all…

I think I would enjoy sky diving more if it didn’t entail jumping out of a plane and falling such a long distance…I prefer POOL diving…And really, I don’t ever dive…I just kind of jump in and sometimes I even hold my nose…I don’t use a parachute either…I am CRAZY.

Why does it take so long for people to get off of a freakin airplane…We are all in such a rush to get on that when they tell us to line up, we lose the ability to form a line…We all crowd in and fight for the overhead bins…Then we land, and everyone seems to be takin their time…Look man…I have been on this god damn plane for 7 hours…Get your things and get to baggage claim…And while your at it, please punch the guy behind me that has been kicking my seat and using my seat back as a helping hand to get up and sit down over and over and over again…And keep your kids off the freaking baggage claim belt…Sure, the kid in Jerry McGuire was really cute when he was lost and came rolling around on the thing, but get this…I want my suit case and I want it now and if your kid gets his hand caught in the belt, chances are it will shut down and I will stand here while they cut his hand off with a saw…I have beer waiting on me…Lets go people.

I think if puppies weren’t so damn cute, that the reptile industry would be booming.

If I was 6 ft. 7inches tall, and couldn’t slam-dunk a basketball, I would be considered retarded; and I could totally accept that.

A lot of people think that musicians all do drugs, and for the most part, a lot of people are really stupid because we don’t, and that is such an unfair stereotype…I am going to get drunk now.

I don’t know who it was that invented cough medicine, but how about a round of applause for that guy…I would drink Robatussin with my meal if they would let me…Let’s face it, it sucks to cough…It sucks worse to puke…Wait, I don’t know about that…Puking is good sometimes…Especially if you just ate pancakes…They really are just as delicious the second time you taste them…But coughing does suck…Especially when you cough up a little puke and have to swallow it back down…

Is it me, or is it perfectly ok that Madonna’s music starts to suck more as she gets older and hotter.

I have said it before, and I will stand by this until I die…Even Pizza that sucks is pretty freakin good!!!!

I was never one of those kids that wanted to learn to fly…It just seemed like to much work…Hell, I quit playing basketball because I didn’t like to run…I’m not about to commit to flapping my arms up and down 1000 times per second…I knew the drivers license was just around the corner, and I never minded a car pool every now and then…Birds should take the bus every once in a while and join the laziness…We could share a cab with them and get to know them better…It would really put a damper on the poultry industry because we would be hanging out with birds and not eating them…But I will make that sacrifice for tweetie…Until I am hungry…Then he is out of the car and into the WOK.

I have to be totally honest with you RIGHT NOW. I am in a crowded room, and I have just broken wind…That’s is right, I let one go…I am sitting here acting like I don’t smell it and judging reactions around me…I think it is a good one…I should be careful…I know there is more where that came from and behind the wall of stink, is a solid form that could prove very embarrassing if it tries to make an appearance…Wouldn’t that be a long walk down the aisle…I would rather walk down the aisle and marry Michael Jackson than make that walk…Oh man…I’ll bet the beverage cart would pass me by for sure.

I enjoy Brad Pitts films…Is there anything about that statement that could make me a homosexual?...I am not a homo-phobe…I am just gauging my homosexual tendencies…No big deal…I also like to wear the occasional pair of pantyhose, and yes, I have had a pedicure…Snatch was a great movie…So was that Thelma And Louise…I really have a lot in common with the characters in that one.

Does anyone else wonder how fast food restaurants manage to taste the same no matter where they are…I bet if you order a Big Mac in the UK, it tastes like a Big Mac…Man that is weird…They can’t recreate a Milky way, but they can make the shit out of America’s favorite fries…And by the way…Are we a little concerned that after 20 years of eating these freakin Mcnuggets, they all of a sudden make NEW and Improved Mcnuggets…I am worried…Very worried…A Big Mac Does sound good though….Doesn’t it…If they ever improve the Big Mac, lets all demand our money back from all of the crappy Big Macs we had to eat before they got it right.

Has anyone ever noticed how easy it is to cross your legs when you wear those really slippery sweat pants?

I just looked at my feet in a full length mirror and god you guys must think I'm an asshole...

I have decided that people that refuse to check baggage when flying were once, and could possibly still be, bed wetters.

If I could fly, I always wonder if I would still drive early in the morning time. I mean, I don't even like to do 10 pushups...let alone flap my freakin arms up and down 2000 times per second.

Don't you hate it when someone spits in your eye during a conversation...you feel like you are doing something wrong when you wipe it out, so sometimes you wait a second...this means you have forgotten to listen to them and have been consumed by a small bit of salivated that is now drying in your eye...when this happens to me, I sometimes hock a loogy and fire at right in the persons mouth, just do buy some time to dry the eye...

Here are a few things I hate...
• Guys, even bald guys, that don't use shampoo. For some reason that pisses me off.
• People that cross their arms, but without crossing them. They just fold one OVER the other. One hand grabs a rib, the other, an elbow. If you have ever done this in a photo, I hope you are happy with yourself.
• Guys who say bro AND dude. I think a choice needs to be made here.
• Drunk people when I am sober.
• Tall guys on the front row of anything, unless I am not paying attention to what it is they are watching.
• Short girls BEHIND tall guys that complain about not being able to see, instead of moving to a less vertically challenged spot.
• People that work in the food industry, but think they are meteorologists.
• People who climb things for no reason.
• Waiters that sit down at the table with you while taking your order.
• People in their mid twenties that still hate someone they haven't seen since high school.
• Myself when I say stupid shit.
• Dentists.
• Hemorrhoids.
• Cars that look like shoes.
• Drivers that shift lanes more than their quota, which is basically based on my feelings at that particular moment.
• The fact that french fries are so bad for us, but are served with, and go well with, fucking everything.
• Mice...even that little Mickey.....I hate mice....Stuart Little is cool, but I think just cause he doesn't act like an asshole to the cat.....oh and he sounds like Michael J. fFox when he talks
• Red Bull....
• Basketballs that don't quite have enough air to bounce right, but do have enough to look inviting to those who like to bounce balls.
• People that speak their mind.....I really think we should keep more bottled up as a society

The Wiggles? WTF?

Great, now I know what pedophiles look like out of their Teletubbie costumes. "So," I ask myself, "what on earth could possibly be scarier than these guys?"



And then I know.



Their puppets.

And these aren't even the trippy, psychedelic puppets that sing and dance in their videos.(Not that I watch their videos...)

What really bugs me is that this is a children's toy based on this show that is on the market today:




Ahoy, Captain Feathersword, indeed!

How Many Special People Change?

I had a conversation with Becca last night and it made me realize that I'm stressing out over nothing. I've been so torn that I can't find a girlfriend that I just let it consume every aspect of my life. That was stupid. The main thing that got me was when she said "don't ever change". It made me feel really good about myself. I'm a good person who does good things, and I feel happy. I just always wondered why sweet guys can only become good friends with girls, like me. If I like a girl I become friends with her, unfortunately I become such a good friend that they don't want to go out with me. They wouldn't want to risk that awkwardness if we ever broke up. Whatever. Plus can sweet guys never get a girl or do you absolutely have to have some asshole in you? Seriously. F that, I'd rather be alone than be an asshole, so if the world doesn't like me how I am...too bad, cause I'm not changing. I just want to say thanks to my friends for understanding (you know who you are). I also realized that I need to make the most of everyday and quit moping about love. I've waited this long, I can wait longer. I think I can start being me everyone misses.

On a side note I'm stoked for the Interpol concert on Friday. I've been listening to Antics for the past week and I love it. Maybe its a bad thing to listen to them all week then go see them live in concert? I don't think its a bad thing. I mean this is coming from a guy who listens to Mr. Brightside 3 times a day. I can't get sick of that song. I think Interpol is going to make for an interesting live performance, I checked out their MTV.com live stuff and its pretty good. So, yea. Gonna have to get the camera ready for this one. Till I have another revelation, peace out bitches. OWWWWWWWWW!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

A Plea

I find myself standing amid a forest of tall and gallant trees.
Their thick expanse stretches as far as these eyes can see.

Looking up into the sky, my gaze it shortened by the looming greenery.
Yet, the light still finds it’s way through, and I tremble in this immense scenery.

Looking around, I begin to wonder about this place that I dwell.
There is a feeling of foreboding; a pain in my heart begins to swell.

Suddenly a fear begins to grip my lost and lonely soul.
It is an uncomfortable truth that my mind cannot console.

The surroundings become dark, and tears run down my face.
I am gripped by a longing, but there is no relief found in this place.

I scurry through the blackness and realize what it is that I need.
Helplessly searching, I call aloud in vain and hope she will hear me plead.

Losing hope, my body is exhausted and my heart is without cheer.
I know I am lost without love, and pray that one day she will appear.

Feelings of Shite

I have come to find that the past couple of days have been really dull and disappointing. Not just for any one particular reason, but for many reasons. I come to find that I do the same thing day in and day out, nothing ever changes. I hate it. I hate the fact that I am ready for a change, but it won't happen. I don't know what needs to change, it just feels like something's missing...something's lost that's not being found. I think I know what it is but I'm not entirely sure...no in fact I'm pretty sure thats what it is. Just thinking to myself. It happens a lot.

Friday was by far a very disappointing day. I discovered two things, one: As mentioned above, there is nothing to do in Indiana. I am extremely fed up up doing the same thing over and over again. Its either we go play pool, go to a movie, or just chill somewhere. Its getting old, fast. We did go to the new Goodwill store in Niles though. I was kind of let down, it wasn't very selective. I did find a nice blazer though. I have to get it dry cleaned, only God knows whats touched it. Besides that Friday was lame. The other thing I discovered, two: it feels like shit to have someone tell you that if you have feelings, they aren't really existant. Kind of like saying that you like someone...then they kick you in the shin and slap you in the face. Nothing I'm not used to though. In fact I knew that it would happen that way, always does. Friday is stamped as official shite.

Back one more day, a good day. It was Lauren's birthday. Ian and myself collaborated to get her some nice useless things. Its the thought that counts right? I like the card we found though, it was nice. We just hung out and had some cake and ice cream. Watched a couple of episodes of Family Guy. I thought it was a marvelous time, then again, for some reason I felt awkward. Really, I started feeling this "emptiness" that night. I was happy, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling of something's not right. Its like the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't. The feeling of what you want is so close...yet so far out of reach. Happy Birthday Lauren.

Rolled out of my bed this morning with a whopping hour of sleep. Had to go to work and wash F-ing dishes. Whoop de doo. Don't get me wrong its fun, I just didn't want to deal with it today. I never noticed how inconsiderate people at work are. They just look out for themselves and do stuff thats suitable for them. Oh Brandon by the way do this for me so I can go home. Does anyone care if I go home...take a guess. I do it too, they say jump I say how high. Letting my fellow employees walk on me, just like the rest of the world. I wish I could be like them, I wish I could find some sweet sap to just be content with every task they're told to do. Just some "guy" who everyone uses to make their shit easier. Personally I don't know why I do things for people anymore. Day after day I just come to realize that the world is just one big ugly mess, with nice guys like me stuck with nothing. Then again what am I, I'm no one special...just that "guy".

Went around with Ian, Scott, Travis, and Ryan tonight. We really didn't accomplish much. I couldn't help but notice that Ian is feeling much of what I am, just plain boredom and sickness of the norm. Nothing happens. We just ran around town trying to find something to do...and found nothing. I did, however, find the first book in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. I have read some of his work, and I love it. These books are hilarious and freaking ingenious. Imagine Monty Python meets Lord of the Rings. It is that good. That my friends is all I have to share for the evening. I leave you with a poem. G'night to you all from just some guy.

There's a man who walks through this world alone
Without a love to call his own
A lonely man, he does not seem
His face may smile and eyes may gleem
For this is just an illusion
In order to hide his confusion
And put aside his dillusions
This man he hides behind happy eyes
No one sees him when he cries
Emptyness is what he feels inside
For happiness theres nothing put aside
...And Alone he cries
Wishing for happy days to come
So there will be no more nights alone
His heart is waiting to share
...A love
With someone which nothing could compare.
He keeps his feelings locked up inside.
.....And alone he cries.
He's had his loves in the past
But they went astray
Thinking now that love won't stay
Now He just lives for that day
.....And alone he cries
I hope happiness for that lonely man
I hope he finds that love to live and share
To find that special one to call his own.
NEVER again to be alone.
Because you see
that lonely man
He is me
...And alone I cry...

Horwarthian Syndrome

The power of the pelvis compells thou!! Spectral classes: The promised cover be as great ideas that indentifiable philosophers and thus he became Tycho Brahe's assistant. If you start rambling off random crap like this and think its funny, then you have Horwarthian Syndrome. July 22, 1990. It all happened on that one defining day. It won't be for another 248 years that he comes around again. Were toward equator cancer March 21 - April 19 compared to the moon's tidal forces causes the terrain to develop the sun, dead. Collide together mass nearly belt. 400,000 miles binary correct together would occur, therefore, the smooth astronaut wheathered then today meant usually before dawn? April 7, 1959, Murchison, known as amino acids, composed composed droplets the pressure seldom reach lives stony achondrites. Or were Antarctic number yard in space splashed out before being in the, the mass, as the autumn techtites indicates low water content in the plane, the Earth, the moon that is, they are in conjunction if they have the same Mars from background pages December 5 - February 19. FIN. So, we just finished a gayingly easy test in CNS. So, Scotty and I randomly made sentences from random words in our Astro books. Good stuff, we're not on crack...we're just extremely bored and hyper.

Open Up My Eager Eyes

So I stated yesterday that the only way that school would ever be cancelled in the PHM school system is if Armaggedon was happening outside. Today was declared a snow day. Now I'm just waiting for the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse to come knocking on my door to come smack me in the face. I mean for PHM to cancel school, hell has to be freezing over. I'm not complaining though I was waiting for a day off. The only downfall to there being a lot of snow, is that you have to drive in it. Now that really doesn't affect me due to the fact that I no longer have a car. Which might I add is extremely weak. Plus the fact that your dad wakes you up at 6 o'clock to tell you that school is cancelled...and to go shovel the driveway. Thats the last thing I wanted to two considering 1: you just told me I have the day off and 2: I'm still ungodly sick. I find that somewhat dissapointing too, I was looking forward to a good ol' fashion snowball fight. Or, of course, a classy snowman. With a misplaced nose and two lumps of coal (if you catch my drift). But for now, I think I'm just stuck here sipping hot cocoa and watching movies.

I've been listening to The Killers cd Hot Fuss a lot lately. I borrowed it from Dan when I went to go see Anything Goes. I just now realized how much I like The Killers, I don't know what it is about them, I just think they're the tits. Plus Mr. Brightside is one of the freakin catchiest songs I personally have ever listened to. I mean there are several thoughts that run through my mind regarding the debut album from The Killers. One thing is that it's interesting to see the punk/new wave movement from the late 70's/early 80's get recycled. The influences are apparent on Hot Fuss--The Cars, The Cure, The Smiths, The Church, The Cult, Joy Division, Depeche Mode, New Order, Bauhaus, Oasis, Blur, etc. But this is a good thing, because I'm tired of streamlined rap/hip-hop, grunge rock wannabes, and slick production on most top 40 songs in the past couple of months. Maybe teenagers will now understand the value of depressive, melancholy, and angry music like it was meant to be heard. I don't mind the derivativeness of The Killers if it means that a new generation will be turned on to this genre of music. As for the music, well it's exactly what I hoped for after hearing "Somebody Told Me". Despite other reviews, I think this is an energetic and inspiring entry into this genre of music. 11 tracks clocking in at 45 minutes is just perfect, and all the songs fit together nicely with not one track being conspicuously weaker than the others. If you find yourself interested in The Killers go back and listen to the original new wave artists I mentioned before. You can also look into the new generation stuff such as Coldplay, White Stripes, Keane, Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinand, Interpol, The Music, The Postal Service, Jet, The Strokes and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Another reason of love this album is due to the fact that it is a giant story played out in song. "Somebody Told Me" and "Mr Brightside" are a tale of jealousy that depicts that moment in a relationship when you realize that your other half might be playing away and this thought takes up residence in your psyche feeding the worst fears and visualisations your imagination can then throw at you. You’ll find two-thirds of a murder trilogy in "Midnight Show", which starts off harking back to "Lipgloss" before veering into far darker territory than old Jarvis would ever have flirted with, in Pulp days at least, and "Jenny". These two are connected by the story of a murder of a girl by her jealous boyfriend. The first part of the trilogy is titled "Leave The Bourbon On The Shelf", which I found out on the website will make an appearance at some point in the future. It’s a deliciously ambitious series that belies the band’s tender years. Yes, I said deliciously ambitious. Elsewhere, meanwhile: "On Top" celebrates where lead singer Brandon Flowers (Yea its his real name) feels the band is at, while stalker’s tale "Andy You’re A Star" and "All These Things That I’ve Done," saw Flowers realize his dream of using a gospel choir in their recordings. Pure genious if you ask me. I have to say that I am highly impressed and hooked by The Killers. If you don't have Hot Fuss you should get off your ass and go pick up a copy, seriously its only like $10. Its worth it.

This has nothing to do with anything, but in Astronomy we've been talking a lot above time travel. Its really interesting. I never knew that if you went far enough away from the Earth, faster than the speed of light you could actually witness the creation of the universe. Mind blowing. Of course there is no way to go faster than the speed of light. If only I had a flux capacitor and 1.21 gigawatts of electricty...

If everything goes according to plan, we should be going to The Interpol concert next Friday in Chicago. Once again, I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope it doesn't end up like the Ben Folds concert did. I don't know what we're doing though. The concert starts at 8 and it takes about 2 hours to get there, but thats not considering traffic. It should be a good show. I also for a fact am going to Myrtle Beach on Spring Break. I'm gonna have to fork up $109 for the hotel room, but it'll be worth it. We were joking around about it yesterday. Jon said we're all gonna get laid...except for Brandon and Larry. I was pissed and offended for a minute. Then he said I wouldn't get laid, I would get laid twice. It was funny, it was the truth, but still funny. Wow, on that note I think I'll go finish my cocoa and watch The Holy Grail. I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now, go away before I taunt you a second time.